recently, I have been thinking about this thing so much. it is about bless. Well, actually, it's quite awkward for me to talk about this matter since I never really concern about this before. But this thought came suddenly, really unexpectedly due to some incidents happened to me recently.
I don't know whether it's because of my too-high-confidence or not, but I feel I'm really blessed. Really. Do not know how to say it, but everytime I think about how free I can breath, how well I have done my works, how good the scores I get from my lessons, how safe I am while I am walkingg, how I was born, and am still, a Christian, I can never stop thanking God and feeling so blessed. Some of things I achieved even are not what I wished before but later, I found it important and needed for my life, like being in FEUI as one of example. What is it called if it's not bless? so plentiful my life is with bless.. and I am sure you are too!
But feeling so blessed sometimes may make you arrogant... at least for me. What I need is always prepared by Him. Even there are times when I do not need to put my efforts to get something I want best and God, with His amazing way, gives that to me. and it makes me happy, thankful, as well as arrogant. Because of it, I sometimes feel that everything will come its own way to me from God whenever I want and that kind of thought makes me lazy to try with all things on myself reaching what I wish. I feel if I ONLY ask, God will make my wish come true. Sometimes, when I try to evaluate my attitude towards Him, it seems like I am the master of Him, looking at how bossy I am when I ask and pray to Him. and when it comes to things I wish unable to be true, I, consciously or not, blame God that He does not give what I want. what a 'seenak udel' thought, right? the silliest thing is when I face such a situation, I will feel like I am the most 'sial' person, which means that I am not blessed. I realize that is wrong but it can't helped. Thought is really terrible; it can't stop though your mouth has long been shuted. haha.But it does not mean that I do not make some efforts to change. Well, looking myself makes me wonder, actually, why God easily gives some things, bless, to me while not to others?
Yeah, I happened to wonder something like that when I typed this letters. But when I went back to see things happen recently, I think what God has given, everything, is a bless. But He has different ways to show that He cares, He blesses. For example, what happened to me while I was facing financial management is really unexpected. Actually, I was not well-prepared. I only learned some chapters and solved last-year final exam question as an exercise before test. My situation was really pathetic and I was afraid. I ignored my daily quiet time and so on. Shortly, the time for exam came. While I looked at the first number, I shouted at my heart, thank Him that I was blessed because the question was what I learned in the last meeting of my class. I did it very happily. And for the second number, at glance, I felt I could do it but... it was not as easy as I thought. I skipped that and continued other numbers. there were three remaining questions, and every questions have many questions in it. and I could not finish each of them. I mean, I left one or some questions in that questions because I did not know how to solve it. I blamed my self because I never prepared myself with good studying hours and other regret statement. I happened to think that God did not have a willing to help me. and I shouted how afraid I was if I could not pass this lesson, ask Him, beg Him to let me pass. and you know, slowly but sure, I could finish the second number and then did the rest numbers. I did not know whether they were right or not, but I felt really helped by God and thanked Him. From this incident, I think what I have stated in the fourth sentence. He still blessed, of course always blesses, in the way I can not predict. He surely guided me but when I was being arrogant, He first gave me a short-lesson so that my arrogancy did not happen continually. But still, I am afraid till this letter is made if I do not pass financial management. I really wish I will pass...
Back to the main topic, bless is already known as His free gifts that everyone achieves. not because what people do, but because He wants people to achieve. He may give to people without letting them pouring out some efforts. But there are conditions that He makes people try first, even pray and beg really intensively, so that bless can be achieved. I actually do not know exactly, but I always feel He does the conditions to me to eliminate my arrogancy of bless I achieved. Moreover, bless, I think, is not always achieved in a form of something good, something helpful, or what we wish to achieve, but also in a form of 'hard lesson' to shape people taking it to be a better person.
That is all my writing now. Sorry for my bad english, bad way to pour out my idea. hehe.
I wish this can be useful for you, readers, and help you realize about bless around you...
Thank you!
Ja, matta next writing!
