Another Irony

Aku kecewa.
Cukup tahu arti diriku ini bagi mereka.
Hanya teman kerja.
Kalau gitu apa bedanya mereka dengan institusi lain? badan lain?
"Saudara seiman", "Satu Tubuh dalam Kristus", "Saling mendoakan"
Sound nice! The most beautiful lip service I've ever heard...
making me trust everyone there...
yakin kalau yang ini pasti berbeda. pasti berbeda.
pasti lebih tahan lama. dan yang pasti lebih tulus.
karena landasan memulainya beda.
But in the end...
Everything's uncovered. Those songs named brotherhood whatsoever
are nothing but BULLSHIT
I once trust it that I let my guard down...
Tapi mulai sekarang... everything's different.
I won't fall for it.
If they just view me as their work-partner...
Aku juga akan berbuat demikian.

Thanks God, You teach me that even in a place called YOUR BODY
there's still none I can trust


The Goods seen from loads of The Bads

I never think this kind of sickness is gonna happen to me...at this very age. I mean, I'm still 20! =(

Something wrong has happened, and is still happening, with the area of my waist and coccyx for two months. When I sit for some times and then go to stand, when I bend, squat, or raise from my bed, I feel pain in those areas. At first I thought that's only caused by simple sleeping disposition and could be healed by massage. But I had done two massages, one when I was still in Depok and the second one in Medan. Yes, I felt better but the pain still did not stop. Even recently it's got worse, perhaps because I danced too hard haha and I still do everything, like sitting, sleeping in a wrong position. Then my mom and I decided to go for a doctor, a neurologist for specific. He told me his hypothesis, but to make it sure, he asked me to go for MRI.

At first I did not know what kind of thing MRI is, thinking that it's just a simple scan, until I found out how much my mom should pay for that. I was shocked because it costed more than one million rupiahs. I felt so guilty and asked my mom to just go for traditional method of treatment. But she said it's fine and going for that kind of method would only bring me nowhere, because I've tried it twice. I felt grateful really for having such a nice mother and felt guilty at the same time, for I had a fight with her and my dad previous days.

Then at night I prayed for my recovery; instant recovery for exact. But yeah, seems like a miracle was not given to me easily. I still woke up in pain.

Then I went for MRI the next morning with my mom and finally knew the reason why it costed that much. MRI is more sophisticated, using magnetic thingies well dont know for exact, and I should be checked in a tunnel for about 30 minutes. Well, the result came in the afternoon.

And you know what? What the doctor deducted was true. What is his hypothesis? Well, on the previous day he told me that my nerve in the back is in a bind. That's caused by the membrane or what it's called that's bridged one skulls to another has broken and make the skulls in a disposition. Actually, this kind of thing is degenerative; happen to old people. But for my case, it may be caused by my bad habit of wrong position of sitting, sleeping, etc. And you know what's worse? Because the membrane has broken, then I should have some of my skulls be in a disposition in the future. Well, it's not deathly but... it's surely heck disturbing.

I'm ashamed, to be honest, for having this kind of sickness in this age. I mean, if I already have had this kind of sickness NOW, how about in the future, when I got older? My mom said not to worry and doctor himself told me the ways to prevent this to get worse. But I just like...

Lesson for me. Lesson for you too.

But I just can't show no mercy to God.
Because this incident just teaches me more about how to pray (yeaah, I begin to pray more seriously finally after this hehe) and have faith in God for what I've prayed.
And this just tells me that my parents really love me. My mom drove me from home to hospital, took me to the doctor while she himself still had other things to do like going to work, picking my sis and bro at school, and she just allowed my ticket to go to Jakarta, which had been paid off, canceled so that I can go for therapy in Medan. While I was just complaining that I did more for them but they did not care for me, this incident really told me that what I did to them was nothing even less than what they did.

Yeah... I'm still 20 but already have this kind of sickness. Welcome!



Taken from : nycsomeday.blogspot.com

     Beware, there is a battle ahead. Some people that love you may think you are crazy. Wives may turn against husbands and vice versa. Persecutions, temptations, sufferings, problems and the unexpected lie ahead. There is a war to be fought against all sorts of temptations: desires, pride, lusts, cares of this life, pleasures, riches, and wrong thinking. Our faith (or trust in God) will be tested to see if it is real–ref 1 Pe 1:7. Life is a test.

     Most people who come to Jesus do not realize the intense fight that lies ahead for them. Many of the Epistles address this very thing (note Eph 6). There are battles to be fought against the powers of darkness. Satan can be expected to use tactics against you that will catch you off guard. Satan will try to get you to return to the way you were before you repented. He succeeds with most. We can expect that what seems to be impossible situations will all of a sudden happen. God is with us through it all. Our biggest battle is with our self, including our fears, our desires, our plans. The more we deny self and pick up our cross and follow Jesus as God commands, the more successful we should be against Satan’s devices. We are to fight the good fight of faith. Looking back is a tool Satan uses. Our past hurts and rejections can all of a sudden pop up in our thoughts. 1 Cor 10:13–There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
     Satan’s power to tempt you and deceive you seem to be beyond most people’s understanding; for he deceives the whole world–ref Rev 12:9. Remember, the battle rages in our thoughts, flesh, and emotions. Ultimately, a person’s heart will decide whether or not he will follow Jesus steadfast to the end.
     Satan uses false religions, your devotion to a certain church or person, or things, or money, lusts, cares of this life, pleasures, pride, wanting to be loved, wanting to be something special, fear, worries, rejection, hurts, anger, unforgiveness and even love. Satan may use your best friend, your spouse, your relatives, and even your children to try to turn you back from following Jesus.
     When you try to study God’s Word, all sorts of distractions may happen. People just pop in. Telephones ring, kids interrupt you—the list is almost endless. You try to read your Bible, and all of a sudden your mind is filled with things you need to do right then. Satan put in Eve’s mind that God did not mean what He said. Expect the same to happen to you. If we look at the world and love this world, we can expect to fall. If we keep our eyes fixed on Jesus and His Word, we can expect to stand. The Bible has much to say about this fight; yet few churches teach anymore on this spiritual warfare we go through.

     Eph 6:10–17–“Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” The fiery darts are those overwhelming pressures you feel that tempt you to do contrary to God’s Word. They tempt you to sin. They stir up your emotions. They are so strong, they are difficult to resist; but resist you must by faith. Fear God, and depart from evil.

     1 Jn 2:15–17–Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever.
     Pv 3:7–Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.
     2 Tim 4:3, l4–For the time will come (which is now) when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth (NIV).


Grumbling may not heal, but it relieves me for minutes

just wanna drop here to grumble. Grrrr really! my sis drove me mad again! she's just too rude to be true! who does she think she is? A queen of the earth? blaaaah! poor her! She knows she's annoying yet she doesn't want to change. I cant find more stupid girls than her. Fiuh! She thinks because she's smart she can do whatever she wants to do, whatever she wants to say, without giving a fuck to what people may think of her. Well, people's judgment may not be important, but people's perceiving of how we treat them is important, I think. I really cant take it slow, cant hold my words if I have to talk with her. Oh my God! Should I go back to the past-me, having a fight with her, yelling at each other with those tacky words? Grrrrrrrr... She knows I'm writing here and she said, "freak!"
She did not point at me but do you think I'm that foolish?

One thing I also hate from her is the way she judges, gives critics to people. Sound underestimating, underrating, letting others down, and never solving anything! even TO ME, HER OLDER SISTER! I am a proud person (actually) and I dislike people who make my pride down. And the way she comments me, be it about schools, fashion, ambition, ANYTHING, ouch! like I'm the worst person EVER in anything. Can you imagine living ur life with sister like that? I know she's smarter, more stylish, bolder, thinner, slimmer. But it doesn't mean she can let my pride down! and I hate her face! no, actually she's pretty enough and has a good skin, no acne. but her expression sometimes is like... she never enjoys life. rarely smile. I dont know when she started to make that kind of face in her life. But it's not comfy being around and talk with her when she shows her ask-for-a-punch face.

She treats most people bad, but it seems she doesn't want to be treated bad.
Her friends are just way too amazing to be able to survive... wanna be around with a labile-mood girl like her. I think I need to learn from her friends how to close my ears when my sis begins to judge or critisize meeh so that I dont need to be mad. You know, being mad just means that I lose. And I hate losing...from her.

And she always turns on her fucking movies in a loud voice. while she's always like crazy everytime I watch videos and their sounds disturbs her activities. oh well... good girl she is!

I dont want to grumble on socmed. It's so... not me. It's not classy to let my followers know bout the bad side of her. So shameful! My sis may look classy outside but her thought and words are even worse than those who never go to school. Ohhhh forgive me for saying those! But like I said, I cant hold my self when I have a fight with her! Those words even have been selected by my mind before being written here. Words in my mind rite now are even more rude .But pouring them out just means I'm losing. No! Not to mention I commit myself to change my bad habits...

I intended to put all in short but ended up long. sorry.
And sorry for her. I just want her to change. for her own good. also for the comfort of people round her, including me, her sister. We rarely talk now in a calm mode. I really wanna listen to her ideas, ambition (she has a good way of thinking actually but a bad attitude to show it). And many things I want to say to her. I miss the moments when she's calm. she can be so nice at that time. sharing and watching videos, talking bout clothes, shoes, bags. But when she's rude, which is almost everytime I suppose, she's fucking annoying. like the most fucking damn annoying person in this world.

Sorry God, but I cant hold my words this time.

Bless her! Fiuuuuuhhhh

Evolution starts!

Change the look of my blog. Gonna change the header and other stuffs as soon as possible. Also, gonna come with a new and fresh post. By the way, I've changed my blog's name. It's longer now hahaha but more meaningful, at least for me =)


Simply wanna share =)

Hello, fellas! Bloggin' from my hometown, Medan. Been here for two weeks uuuu never been this peaceful before hahahha kiddin'! It feels so good being with my parents and sis-bro around me. Not to mention the house itself which remains me the moment I've been through hihihi.
Kinda have an inspiration and also a willingness to go blogging before I sleep. Perhaps it's caused by reading some of friends' blogs these few days and yeah... got ideas to post at least where I am now hehe. And also many interesting things happened like... having a new haircut, finally adding one fashion item in my wardrobe, and hanging-out with old friends =)

 yeaah my new haircut! hihi. sweet, isn't it? ouch please! dont be thrown-up, ok? hihi. Well, my hair was blown at that time, that's why it looks good but when I finally washed my hair... ah it looks kinda weird I think. A lil bit stiff and sooo unnatural (beside the fact that it really is). But after some trials of tying-untying, it looks better laah  (Singlish mode : on) hho
And this is my new baby! Hehe. Bought a cute sweater from Mango. They're giving a discount rite now and I didnt wanna miss a thing, a chance. That's why! Hihi. This is my first sweater, FYI. I was not so into sweater before, because I prefer cardigan or jacket or tops at least. But someone inspired me, that's why. wanna know who he/she is? just continue reading! =)
 Aaaand these are my new babies, too! Bought today, along with the sweater. Actually I've bought a novel before and havent finished reading it yet but yeah, buying books (name it : novels, comics, spiritual ones, nor knowledge books) is always tempting... at least for me hihi. The novel I bought todays was Circle of Love, by Monica Petra, while the comic (in the centre) is Love that I should Have. And at the right side is the quiet-time book for July... quite late rite? but yeaah... I missed some days of doing my quiet times and I did not want to jump right away to the other days, that's why hehe. By the way I bought all these stuffs today with my high-school friend, Kitty. Forgot to take a picture with her hikshikshiks. But I will in the next hanging-out time! it's a-must, rite? =)

By the way, last two weeks I came and attend some important occasions, for it's related with my beloved ones. This one was taken when my family and I were in the preparation of my grandma's 75th birthday (thanks God it ran smoothly and my grandma seemed and felt soooo happy =)). The girl beside me is my younger sister, Dina, a smart student yet a brilliant-in-fashion girl! Rare, isnt it? So proud of her, though sometimes she's...annoying hihi
 and this one is my picture with my lil'cute cousins. They're from Jakarta and came to Medan for my grandma's birthday and also for holiday. I'm quite close to them since I often come to their home for I was in Depok. Ezar is just soooo adorable! he's smart and talkative for a child with same age as him. Ruth is just as brilliant as his brother. She's a smart student and a very good observant. =)
(Ezar, Ruth, Me)

By the way... lately I've a got a new crush! wanna know wanna know? hihihi here they are!! Exooooooo

Exo ( Korean엑소; stylized as EXO) is aChinese-South Korean boy band produced by S.M. Entertainment. Formed in 2011 in SeoulSouth Korea, Exo comprises twelve members separated into two subgroups, Exo-K and Exo-M, promoting their music simultaneously in both South Korea and China respectively. Their name was taken from exoplanet,[1] a term referring to planetsoutside of the Solar System. Their debut single "Mama" was released on April 8, 2012, followed by the release of their debut EP Mama on April 9, 2012 (source : wikipedia.com)

Yeaah, there are two subunits in one band! One goes for Korea, while the other goes for China.
I love both of them, but it seems like Exo-M takes most parts of my heart for themselves hihii
                                  (Exo-M in Men's Health China Magz)

And just like in other boybands, I have my own bias. Who is that lucky maaan? Zreeeeeeeng zreeeeng He is the leader of EXO-M!! Krissss!

Kris is the leader of Exo-M. Also known by his Chinese name Wu Fan, Kris was born Li Jiaheng  on November 6, 1990 in GuangzhouGuangdongChina, and holdsCanadian citizenship. In 2007, Kris was cast into S.M. Entertainment through the S.M. Global Audition held in VancouverBritish Columbia, Canada. Kris was formally introduced as a member on February 17, 2012. Prior to joining the band, Kris made an appearance in an intermission video from the Taipei, Taiwan stop of the Girls' Generation Tour in 2011. Kris is fluent in four languages: English, Cantonese, Mandarin, and Korean. (source : wikipedia.com)
Beside being a leader, he's also the main rapper of Exo-M. In Yinyuetai interview, he said that his rap style is more of rhythmic. His voice is quite unique; a lil' bit hoarse-tend-to-husky but sexy ;) He looks so cool and cold outside, but when he smiles this world seems to stop! at least my world hehehe. His band mates said in some interviews that Kris is someone who takes care of people, esp his group. That answers why his type of girl is the one who is caring and filial... like me! (ouuuchh please dont slap meee!)
And alsooo he's very thoughtful of his father! He always uses a pack-bag given by his father even though it has been torn here-and-there. ouuh. AH! he's also like a prince, rite? and soooo a-boy-in-a-manga alike!!

By the way, he is titled as King of Fashion by his band mates! I cant agree more! Just look at some of his airport dress style! I dont think he ever did wrong in styling! =3

now! see? I am rite! ahahaha. He may not do much of mix-matching clothes, but still it looks good on him. His outfits also never out-stands him. hihihi. that's why. His style is also manly and never too much =)
by the way, he's the one inspiring me to wear sweater. In one of his airport dressing, he's captured wearing a colorful thick sweater (no.3 from the blue-jacket-Kris's picture) and in History MV he's spotted wearing a light brown sweater. kyaaa so handsome rite?

(picture source : exostyle , tumblr , History MV)

okay! enough for fangirling!

 Seems like Rurouni Kenshin Live Action Movie is about to come. I happened to get the trailer-link and watched it. Quite interesting to watch. But I dont know if it will be aired in Indonesia too hikshiks
curious? here's the trailer video

huaaaah it's been late! well gotta go to sleep! Just wait for my next writings! hihi.