Whatevs.

 Wooow, things have changed! Including the display of the writing area. And it's been years since I stepped my fingers to this blog lols.

Well, as usual, I decided to come here just for ranting. I have no friends to talk to about my current issues and that's not because I literally have no friends, but because I just don't trust any of my friends lols. It's one of my big problems. I don't want to depend on anyone and try to make myself comfortable containing all my thoughts and worries by myself. Guess this is also one of the reasons why my love life fell through lolss. 

Anyway, I am confused right now. I have a mindset that I can achieve anything as long as I try (well, added a component of luck too of course lols). But at the same time, I have almost zero confidence that I am able to achieve it. Confusing? OF COURSE! I even want to punch myself for being so damn inconsistent. Like, what the fuck is wrong with me? 

And last year, in 2020, I've been picking myself up to write fictions again. And I challenged myself in the beginning of this year to start writing a novel. But hell, I couldn't. My plans to write monthly short stories in my social medias and other blog fell through. I blame it on my laziness and insecurity and super lack of confidence. I've been collecting ideas but no push to write them down. I read novels and mangas for inspirations but yeah it's more enjoyable to just read them enjoyably hahaha. 

Been thinking of giving up. I can't trust myself anymore. Huh.