Expectation Kills... Part 2

Up till now, I always buy the idea that Billbo had before going to his adventure. Living alone and comfortably in his own sanctuary while having all his needs and wants prepared by nature. I have realized, since I was little, that it is hard to deal with people. It takes quite long time for me to make friends and open up. But when I do, it can only happen to very few people. That is why, I think, I can only count with all fingers I have the number of people I can call friends. The rest are just passers in front of my door. And those very few people, I can say they are very unfortunate knowing me. Why? Because only to them I can open up, everything. Only with them I want to do everything. And also to them only I pour and throw up everything, from gold to mud. And only on them I put so much expectation that they can give me special treatment, that when I find they don't, I can be greatly disappointed. Sometimes, to be honest, I regret having friends at all, since I can never be satisfied at all by their existence.
But the rest of The Hobbit movie, at the end, contradicts with my belief. Billbo got both new experiences and friends he could not forget and always long for. I am still here, finding human ,while I am no exception at all, are all disappointing. We are at risk of being disappointed or disappointing. To live collectively in society is such a burden. Putting your heart and thought for specific persons is like crashing a car towards river.
Reading this might make you realize that I am such a selfish person. I will not deny it. But I think I have a right to be, and everybody else does, and you do, too. For any kind of reasons. For me, it is because I have this limit of living in society, this limited number of friends. And I strongly want them to be, stay beside me whenever I need them. Whenever I want them. Whenever I need them to accompany to eat. Whenever I need them to go with me to saloon. Whenever I need them to drink with me. Whenever I need them to listen to my stories. Whenever I need them to be my trash can.


Because I promise myself I will, whenever they need me to.