What I love and What I live with

Some Things I'd explain before you read

2011-11-25T16:17:00.005+07:00

Recently some people I know read my blog. It's not a problem actually. I thank God that this trashy thing can get their attention. But... I feel uncomfortable. Knowing people close to you reading these make me feel like being watched and I can't even write as freely, as flowing, as before since the content of this blog become more personal day by day...

I dont mind if people stop here and read this. Cause if I do, I would lock this page or perhaps I would never publish this in my social media network. But please, make sure I dont know who actually the readers are. And please, dont talk to me directly about the things written in this blog. I feel like being judged hahahaha.

Sorry and Thanks =)

If you could have the starring role in one movie what would it be?

2011-11-24T10:25:00.001+07:00

Jimmy Neutron wahahahahahhaha

Ask me anything

What's one of your earliest memories?

2011-11-24T10:24:00.001+07:00

ga inget

Ask me anything

Mau Buat Lomba Tapii...

2011-11-22T12:48:00.003+07:00

Internet. Siapa yang gak kenal di zaman serba technology-oriented seperti sekarang? Lebih tepatnya mungkin... siapa yang gak pernah make? Hampir seluruh masyarakat dunia tahu dan pasti pernah make. Makenya buat macem-macem, ada yang buat nyari temen lewat facebook, ngeshare berita lewat blog, nyari-nyari informasi, yah, banyak lah.
Gue sendiri termasuk salah satu pengguna internet buat kegiatan yang macem-macem. Paling sering sih kalo gue internetan, gue buka social media kayak facebook atau twitter. Dan karena gue suka nulis, gue juga make internet sebagai sarana buat ngebagiin pemikiran dan cerita-cerita gue. Selain itu, gue jug asering make internet buat nyari informasi dan data buat tugas (wajib banget ni buat mahasiswa!).
Internet tu bisa dibilang mempengaruhi banyak aspek di kehidupan gue. Bayangin aja, gue banyak ketemu teman-teman lama zaman gue SD tu ya lewat facebook. Gue bisa tahu informasi-informasi seputar artis favorit gue lewat fanpage mereka di facebook. Belum lagi kalo mereka punya twitter, beuh, berasa ga ada jarak banget ama mereka, padahal mereka tu artis yang biasa gue liat di TV, majalah, dan media publikasi lain.
Dan gue termasuk orang yang suka mencurahkan pemikiran, perasaan, dan imajinasi gue dengan tulisan. Cuman kadang, gue bingung ni tulisan mau gue apain. Bisa sih kirim ke majalah, tapi, mungkin karena gue orangnya pesimis, kans buat dimunculin di majalah kecil. Mana kadang isi tulisan gue cenderung subjektif lagi, jadilah gue ga percaya diri. Tapi dengan adanya blog kayak gini, gue bisa nge-publish tulisan gue dengan mudah, tanpa harus pake tahap seleksi dari orang lain. Belum lagi bikin blog tu mudah, gratis, ga rebek, dan mudah buat dipromosiin ke temen-temen gue juga buat dibaca. Gue juga merasa lebih bebas berekspresi lewat tulisan di blog gue, karena gue ga harus menetapkan satu tema tertentu. Yah, sesuai dengan kondisi pikiran dan hati lah. Tapi tetep, gue nulis dalam koridor kesopanan. Hoho.
Yang mungkin saat ini paling berasa banget adalah ketika gue berhadapan dengan banyak tugas, secara gue mahasiswa, yang butuh informasi yang banyak namun harus selesai dalam waktu singkat. Teori emang ada di buku, tapi buat ngerjain tugas yang modelnya kasus, kadang perlu informasi-informasi tambahan. Keberadaan internet bener-bener ngebantu banget soal hal ini. Gue ga perlu ngubek-ngubek tumpukan koran buat nyari informasi tambahan sehubungan kasus yang mau gue kerjain. Ga perlu keluar duit juga buat nyamperin si pemberi informasi. Tinggal klik Om Google, search, voila! muncul deh list informasi yang diperluin. Belakangan ini gue juga jarang beli koran, soalnya ga sempet and kalopun beli, ga dibaca juga. Adanya internet ngebantu gue buat selalu update ama berita-berita ataupun gosip yang terjadi di negara tercinta ini atau bahkan di seluruh dunia. Huraaaay! hemat banget lagi, kan, dan praktis.
Makanya, internet tuh uda bikin hidup gue Xlangkah lebih maju

How to spell hypocrite?

2011-11-13T16:44:00.002+07:00

Hmmm... hello there!

It's been about two months after my last post, that horrible post. Lol.

I'm now in Depok and after these two months so many things happened. One of unexpectedly joyful thing is that I met these four kids named Ahut, Judith, Kevin, and Susi. They're my apipa-s (Red : anggota pengabaran Injil lewat pendalaman Alkitab). We've learned about the fall of humans which separated us from God, the bridge to go back to God, who is Jesus, and things we do as our thanksgiving for being united with God again. They're so nice and each has different characters.

And after PIPA's finished, there are some times left before they go to their own small group. Actually I feel like having a will to be PKK of Kevin, because I'm quite responsible for making him join small group. Like... I've promised him something that I can't even make sure it will happen. But yeah... let God work for this case. I just hope each of my apipas will get a pkk who can give them right teachings about God and also love.

Then I failed my mid test. ALL kind of mid term; be it my Japanese mid test and also my campus mid test. I am also in big trouble now. I hesitate to study human resource management more deeply. You know, I think I am in my darkest time rite now; I cant imagine how my future will be; I cant even DREAM. No...

And the biggest irony , recently, is that I tried to do my best in my service to God; being a good MC on Friday worshiping, singing well as a singer, writing an article for the weekly bulletin, being a caring PPIPA for my APIPA but I messed my personal life.

I still thank God that I'm forgiven, after all mess I've done.

But the most difficult thing is to be forgiven by... my own self.

This random letter is so hahaha.

Ombak bertopeng keabadian

2011-09-02T11:34:00.003+07:00

*lanjutan entry sebelumnya

Beberapa waktu lalu, mamaku berkata orang muda itu masih belum banyak pengalaman. Makanya apa yang dilakukan cenderung bersifat emosional. Cepat naik, surutnya apalagi. Kayak roller coaster. Termasuk juga akan perasaannya ke Tuhan. That's why most youngsters' belief is easily shaken.

Tadinya aku mau menolak ucapan mamaku. Tapi melihat pengalaman pribadi, aku mau gak mau sedikit mengakuinya. Well, mungkin tidak semua orang muda seperti itu. But I did and often do...

Adakalanya ketika mengerjakan suatu pelayanan, aku begitu bersemangat. Saking semangatnya, leherku sampai pegal (for your information, itu salah satu ciri-ciriku kalau sangat,ehm terlalu, bersemangat). Apalagi kalau sebelumnya sesuatu yang baik terjadi padaku. Karena rasa syukurku, aku jadi bersemangat mengerjakan pelayanan. Target dan rencana bermacam-macam soal bentuk pelayanan kurancang. Tapi kalau sesuatu yang kurang mengenakkan terjadi, aku jadi lemes. Disuruh juga gak bakal mau.

Tak hanya itu. Aku bahkan msh bisa diguncang soal keyakinanku pada Kristus. W-A-W. Melihat diriku yang cukup aktif melayani di kampus, aku selalu terkejut setengah mati mengingat hal ini dan jadi membenci diri sendiri. Predikat munafik sangat cocok berdiri di belakang namaku.

Aku jadi berpikir, apa selama ini aku percaya pada-Nya benar-benar karena aku percaya atau hanya karena perasaan emosionalku saja atas apa yang Dia kerjakan padaku?

Bukan cuman saat itu.

Dua tahun aku sudah hampir tidak pernah menuangkan imajinasiku ke dalam tulisan. Padahal kalau diingat-ingat, semenjak 6 tahun yang lalu aku yakin bahwa menulis adalah bakatku, aku tidak pernah lepas dari buku tulis dan pulpen yang senantiasa menjadi pelampiasan khayalanku. Aku sangat mencintai imajinasiku. Aku sangat mencintai hobiku. Namun karena berbagai alasan, mulai dari sibuk belajar sampai sibuk malas, aku perlahan-lahan meninggalkannya.
Dan hal yang terjadi padaku sekarang membuatku berpikir, mungkinkah perasaanku pada hal itu adalah karena aku memang mencintainya atau hanya sebatas perasaan emosional atas apa yang ia berikan padaku?

Dan aku juga ingat betapa aku dulu begitu kompetitif. Aku jarang membiarkan diriku lengah. Aku suka bersaing. Suka sampai aku pernah ditegur Dia karena menyakiti temanku sendiri karenanya. Tapi sekarang, hasratku nol. Karenanya, aku tidak pernah melakukan yang terbaik.
Mungkinkah perasaanku juga karena emosiku semata melihat teman-temanku sukses atau memang karena aku suka bersaing?

Juga keluarga, sahabat, teman, KK Twilight dan orang-orang yang ku-katakan-cintai.
Mungkinkah semuanya hanya perasaan emosional yang tak ada bedanya dengan ombak?

Dua minggu terakhir, kata-kata mamaku benar-benar terngiang di kepalaku. Terus menerus muncul mempertanyakan perasaanku.

A letter from A Hypocrite

2011-09-02T11:08:00.003+07:00

Many things happened during these two months. All things fought and pushed each other to make an entry to my narrow thought. That's why I lost inspiration and I didn't know what to say here.

Okay, enough for the stupid reasons...

But yeah, many things happened. good and bad. pleasant things and unpleasant ones. Yet it's never enough to say thanks to Him who always helped me breathe and even worked for me everytime things got messed, of course done by me.

I am now in Medan after about 6 months been in city crowded with cars but poor roads. It's a lie if I said that I'm not joyful being here. Actually, I dont know why but suddenly I hate that city. I hate its design or whatever it is. It's all messed. I hate all cars there, the drivers exactly, who are mostly egoistic. I hate everything in spite of the fact that I study there.

I hate my room. I hate the loneliness I feel there. I hate the fact that I always do sin and good at the same time.

Most of all, I hate myself. I never did my best there in everything. I hate myself for I am too emotional. I hate myself for not being able to accept who I really am. I hate myself for always being dramatic and suddenly becoming a drama-queen. I hate myself for always wasting time doing sins. I hate myself because I don't have any spirit to compete like I used to be. I hate myself for regretting having many beautiful and nice friends. I hate myself for desiring too much yet putting less effort. I hate myself for not being able to be change for Him. I hate myself for being a poor hypocrite in front of Him. I hate myself for lying too much in front of Him.

I hate myself there in Depok.

That's why it's such a relief for me to be in this city, with my family. It's a sweet escape for my black mind.

But I know my time here will not be as much as I want. School waits. And it takes some days for my leaving back to that city. Heartache comes everytime I remember that. Yet I know I have to prepare...

God helps... just like He did before. And He always will.

My limited thoughts

2011-06-21T20:13:00.004+07:00

I've just read C.S. Lewis' book, A Grief Observed. That's my first time to read his. Well, belum selesai sih, baru sampai bab 3 setengah. But I got a lot.

Belakangan ini, topik yang muncul dalam benak saya ialah penderitaan dan Allah. Kalau Allah begitu baik, kenapa ada penderitaan? Mungkin pertanyaan tersebut sering terlintas dalam pikiran kita. He's nice, but how can He stand seeing His children sad? He's generous, but how can He let disaster take everything away from His children, including their life?

Saya sempat takut ketika pertanyaan-pertanyaan itu muncul di pikiran saya. Takut berdosa. Takut menyimpang. Takut jawaban yang saya temukan menyakitkan dan tidak sesuai harapan. Takut semua deh. Karena gak sedikit pertanyaan-pertanyaan seperti ini membawa mereka yang semula percaya--atau mungkin mengaku-- menjadi tidak percaya. Apalagi ketika mereka berada di dalamnya, mengalami langsung penderitaan itu. Dan rasanya Allah seperti diam. Pintu telah kita ketuk berkali-kali karena butuh pertolongan, tapi tak kunjung dibuka. Suara sahutan-Nya pun tak kunjung terdengar.

Tidak seperti Lewis, saya belum pernah merasa kehilangan seseorang yang sebegitu dalam. Saya pernah merasa kehilangan Opung saya, tapi perasaan saya tidak sampai seperti yang dialami Lewis. Kehilangan terdalam yang pernah saya rasakan sejauh ini ialah kehilangan cita-cita semasa kecil. Merasa terperangkap dalam dunia yang tidak pernah saya harapkan untuk geluti. Berada di lingkungan yang tidak saya impikan. Tapi satu kesamaan saya dengan Lewis, I happened to ask Him "why?" . Namun yang ada hanya keheningan sebagai balasan. Sakit saya rasakan, dan begitu menyesakkan hingga beberapa bulan di awal tahun ini. Rasa syukur selalu keluar dari bibir ini, tapi tidak pernah sepenuhnya tulus. Dalam hati selalu bertanya "kenapa?" dan sekali lagi, tidak ada suara. Merasa sendiri dan tidak ada yang lebih sakit daripada merasa sendiri.

Bukan berarti Dia tak menjawab. Dia menjawab dengan cara-Nya. Lewat hal-hal yang selama ini tidak pernah bayangkan. Hasilnya jauh lebih memuaskan ketimbang mendengar bisikan-bisikan yang bergaung di kepala.

Dan seperti Lewis, saya tersadar. Allah memang baik, apapun yang terjadi pada saya. Namun, saya, manusia ciptaan-Nya yang terbatas, tak mampu menyelami kebaikan-Nya. Penderitaan yang diumbar, sulit sebenarnya untuk dikatakan, terjadi atas kehendak-Nya. Dan sulit untuk diterima tapi benar adanya, adalah untuk kebaikan umat-Nya. His thoughts are higher than His creations. Much higher. Tapi karena manusia tidak mampu menyelami wujud kebaikan-Nya itu, manusia merasa menderita. Manusia tidak pernah puas akan apa yang Allah beri. Manusia tidak pernah mau menerima kenyataan bahwa apa yang dia miliki bukanlah miliknya tapi pemberian-Nya, dan memang sesuka-Nya untuk mengambil kapanpun Dia mau, layaknya seorang pemahat boneka yang bisa leluasa mencopot hidung boneka yang baru ia buat. That's why they feel suffer. That's why I feel suffer.

Dan penderitaan bukan bukti ketiadaan Allah. Bukan pula pernyataan tersirat akan ketidakbaikan Allah. Manusia tidak mampu menyelami kebaikan Allah. Itulah mengapa ada penderitaan.

formspring.me

2011-05-23T06:26:00.001+07:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/MoodyMe

Reminiscing Memories~~

2011-05-17T07:19:00.003+07:00

I was just reading my previous posts, which were written two years ago, when I was still senior high school. Confused why I did that? hehehe I was so inspired by some high school graduates this year hehehhe. They seemed so excited over their graduation yet nervous bout what will come next (SNMPTN and other university entrance exams). I felt I saw myself two years ago heheheh...

Well, those feelings come back again when I read those posts, about my failure in SIMAK, my nerve over waiting for UN result, and my pride bout being what I am now. I can't believe that I have passed all! Oh my... everytime I remember those hard times, my shame feeling for being failed as a medical student but then I was lifted up so high... WAW! Till today, being passed in UMB in management of FEUI has been my unforgettable blessing from Him. I even consider it as the biggest blessing so far hehehehe.

Those memories are really motivating. You know, I have studied in FEUI for almost two years and it feels like I have adjusted to it (unending tasks, late sleep, competition etc). There are times I fall; I get lazy, forget my tasks on purpose, ignorant and so on. Everytime I am in that condition, those memories in high school is quite successful pulling me to stand up and continue my duties. It's not easy for being what I am now. Not all high school graduates at that time could feel the same chance with me. Oh well...

New friends, new environment, new hopes, new dreams. Ah... I'm really thankful to God that I did not pass being a medical student. Hehehe. I find my old passion as well as the new ones. I learn to view this world in a broader view, not just in black-white one. I learn there are so many things I can find inside myself, if only I'm willing. I learn bout what actually loving God and my brothers mean.

Well, I did not mean to 'curhat' in the beginning. kekekekek...

One thing I wanna say, for all high school graduates this year, CONGRATULATION! But don't feel enough for what you have been through now, because there are so many tests you should face. Enjoy the process and do your best. THe most important thing : Ask God to show His way for you. He is never wrong. =)

Efek Domino Pascabencana Jepang terhadap Industri Otomotif Indonesia

2011-05-08T14:25:00.003+07:00

Masih melekat di ingatan kita semua mengenai bencana yang terjadi di Jepang pada tanggal 11 Maret 2011 silam. Tak bisa dipungkiri bencana berupa gempa dan tsunami tersebut memberikan dampak yang sangat serius di berbagai aspek kehidupan bangsa Jepang, termasuk aspek ekonominya. Pascabencana Jepang secara signifikan mempengaruhi kondisi perekonomian negara tersebut. Beberapa industri mengalami kelesuan dan imbasnya, industri serupa atau yang berhubungan dengan industri-industri tersebut yang ada di negara-negara lain ikut mengalami kelesuan. Tak berhenti sampai di situ, efek pascabencana negara ini menular layaknya influenza ke negara-negara lain yang menjalin interaksi dengan Jepang, salah satunya negara kita, Indonesia.

Indonesia merupakan salah satu negara di Asia Tenggara yang menjalin hubungan kerja sama bilateral dengan Jepang di bidang ekonomi. Dan seperti yang mungkin telah kita semua ketahui, banyak perusahaan Jepang yang menjalin kerja sama dengan perusahaan dalam negeri. Industri otomotif Indonesia adalah salah satu industri yang mana perusahaan-perusahaannya menjalin kerja sama dengan industri di Jepang. Hampir seluruh komponen bahan baku industri otomotif negara kita diproduksi oleh negeri bunga sakura. Sendai, kota Jepang yang dilanda tsunami, adalah kota yang memiliki produsen-produsen komponen bahan baku industri manufaktur otomotif yang dengan mereka perusahaan otomotif kita bekerja sama. Produksi komponen bahan baku di sana tersendat, bahkan sempat terhenti, sehingga menyebabkan penurunan produksi industri manufaktur otomotif kita menurun. Ketergantungan Indonesia akan pasokan komponen-komponen dari Jepang tersebut mungkin merupakan alasan utamanya. Dan berdasarkan berita yang saya baca di Kompas 4 Mei 2011, penurunan produktivitas tersebut menyebabkan penurunan jam kerja para buruh dan ketiadaan jam lembur yang akhirnya menyebabkan semakin sedikitnya para buruh yang bekerja di industri tersebut. Di beberapa perusahaan bahkan telah terjadi rasionalisasi serta perumahan terhadap sejumlah buruhnya karena hal ini. Hal ini menunjukkan bahwa efek dari bencana yang terjadi di negara tersebut mempengaruhi produktivitas industri otomotif Indonesia sekaligus kesejahteraan masyarakat Indonesia, yang nantinya berefek pada pertumbuhan ekonomi Indonesia.

Dampak pascabencana Jepang sampai saat ini memang masih membalut negara tersebut. Negara tersebut masih melalui tahap recovery dan harus melakukan perbaikan di sana-sini secara internal. Indonesia, sebagai salah satu negara yang aktif berinteraksi dengan Jepang dan pada akhirnya ikut terkena imbasnya, hanya bisa membantu lewat doa, daya, dan juga dana bagi negeri tersebut sembari berpikir kreatif mencari cara untuk kembali meningkatkan produktivitas industri otomotif negeri ini. Menurut saya, ada baiknya perusahaan-perusahaan kita yang bergerak di industri otomotif mulai memproduksi komponen-komponen bahan bakunya sendiri sehingga tidak menimbulkan ketergantungan ke negara lain. Selain lebih cepat dalam hal ketersediaan dan biaya juga lebih rendah karena tidak ada biaya transportasi, Indonesia juga jadinya lebih mandiri. Selain itu, efek domino seperti ini juga tidak akan terjadi jika negara tempat kita bergantung tertimpa satu masalah.

#pernah dimuat di kompasiana

Listen!

2011-05-06T14:32:00.000+07:00

Pesan Penting untuk Gereja

Beginikah Rasanya Berpikir?

2011-04-24T14:25:00.005+07:00

Beberapa waktu lalu, saya pernah bercerita soal senior saya yang memilih untuk menganut atau menjadi agnostic. Sampai dua hari yang lalu, saya masih berpikir bahwa alasan kenapa dia memutuskan memilih aliran tersebut karena keinginannya untuk bebas dari aturan-aturan agama yang mengekang. Well, alasan sebenarnya ternyata tidak seperti itu walaupun ujung-ujungnya ya ke sana juga.

Alasannya tidak jauh berbeda dari para atheis. Hanya saja, jika atheis tidak meyakini keberadaan Tuhan, dia masih merasa MUNGKIN Tuhan itu ada. Ya, mungkin. Tetapi, keberadaan-Nya sampai saat ini masih ia pertanyakan karena tidak ada bukti empiris yang mendukung. Sederhananya, tidak ada data yang menurut nalar-nya-cukup meyakinkan bahwa Tuhan itu benar ada. Apa yang dia alami selama hidup, sampai bagian-bagian terkecil hidupnya, tidak cukup untuk membuatnya percaya bahwa Dia itu ada. Dan karena bukti itu tidak ada, dia tidak menemukan alasan untuk taat pada Tuhan.

Sepertinya saya terkesan sok tahu, tapi, sekedar informasi, saya benar-benar mengetahui hal-hal di atas dari orangnya langsung, via twitter.

Saya setuju dengan pernyataan bahwa setiap manusia harus mengenal siapa Pencipta-Nya. Itu adalah suatu keharusan, karena bagaimana mungkin kita bisa mengatakan kita mengasihi-Nya, padahal kita sendiri tidak tahu siapa Dia. Kalau pepatah bahasa Indonesia bilang, tak kenal maka tak sayang. Itu juga berlaku buat hubungan kita dengan Tuhan, bukan hanya dengan manusia lainnya. Dan agar manusia bisa mengenal-Nya, Tuhan memberikan panca indera, akal, dan juga iman. Bagaimana ketiganya dapat membantu pengenalan manusia akan ciptaan-Nya?

Panca indera yang dimiliki manusia ada lima, yaitu indera penglihatan (mata), indera pendengaran (telinga), indera pengecap (lidah), indera pembau (hidung), dan indera perasa (lidah). Saya sungguh berpikir bahwa kelima indera ini tidak sembarangan saja dirancang atau terjadi secara kebetulan pada tiap manusia. Sungguh suatu kelengkapan karena satu sama lain dari tiap indera itu saling mendukung. Ketika perut kita keroncongan, otomatis aliran informasi tubuh kita akan menyampaikan kepada otak akan hal tersebut sehingga outputnya adalah kita merasa lapar. Ketika kita lapar, kita mencari makan dan dengan indera pendengar, kita mengetahui dari orang di sebelah kita bahwa ada makanan. Kita mengambil makanan tersebut dan tanpa berpikir kita langsung memasukkannya ke mulut karena indera pembau kita, sadar atau tidak sadar, memberitahu kita bahwa makanan tersebut aman untuk dimakan karena belum basi. Sebelumnya, kita merasakan keempukan atau kekerasan dari makanan tersebut sebelum memasukkannya ke mulut kita agar kita mengetahui bagaimana sebaiknya kita memakan makanan tersebut. Setelah kita makan, keluarlah output berupa tanggapan kita akan rasa makanan tersebut;enak atau tidak. Begitulah gambaran sistem kerja panca indera tubuh manusia, walau mungkin terkesan maksa. Dan bagaimana panca indera bisa membantu pengenalan akan TUhan?

Kemudian, ada akal yang dimiliki oleh setiap manusia. Dari akal manusia, timbul pemikiran-pemikiran yang membawa kepada penemuan-penemuan baru, secara material seperti lampu, maupun nonmaterial seperti teori-teori ilmu pengetahuan. Tentu yang saya bicarakan di sini ialah akal sehat; akal yang dimiliki oleh manusia-manusia yang secara pikiran dan mental tidak atau belum terganggu. Akal biasanya merupakan suatu wadah yang dimiliki manusia untuk memasukkan input yang ia dapati dari reaksi panca indera. Ketika input tersebut memiliki satu kesan yang tidak terlupakan, akal akan dengan segera merekamnya dan menjadikannya bahan perenungan. Outputnya ialah seperti yang saya kemukakan sebelumnya. Berlawanan dengan pernyataan saya di satu paragraf sebelumnya, beberapa orang sering menjadikan akal sebagai alasan kenapa mereka tidak mudah untuk menerima satu eksistensi yang memiliki kekuatan besar, yang sangat besar hingga tidak terjangkau akalnya. Kalau sudah begitu, bagaimana akal bisa membantu manusia untuk mengenal Tuhannya?

Yang terakhir ialah iman. Dari antara tiga alat yang saya kemukakan, sepertinya imanlah yang paling layak untuk digunakan dan adanya imanlah yang membuat manusia percaya akan keberadaan Tuhan. Mengutip dari salah satu ayat Alkitab yang saya lupa kitabnya, "Iman adalah bukti dari segala sesuatu yang tidak kita lihat", semakin mendukung bahwa memang imanlah yang membuat setiap manusia meyakini adanya Tuhan karena iman itu sendirilah buktinya. Akan tetapi, iman ini tidak serta merta dimiliki oleh manusia. Ada proses yang mengiringinya sehingga iman itu bisa terbentuk. Dan panca indera serta akal memainkan perannya di sana.

Bagi para pembaca yang beragama Kristen, pastinya tidak asing dengan kutipan ini--yang lagi-lagi saya lupa dari kitab apa--"Iman timbul dari pendengaran". Meskipun hanya satu panca indera saja yang dinyatakan di situ, akan tetapi saya sadar jelas bahwa bukan hanya telinga, keempat indera manusia lainnya pun merupakan sarana untuk pembentukan iman. Bagaimana manusia bisa mendapatkan informasi? Dengan melihat, mendengar, mengecap, mencium, dan merasa. Manusia mengetahui tentang Tuhan dengan membaca (penglihatan) dan mendengar (pendengaran) dari buku-buku serta manusia-manusia lain yang telah terlebih dahulu mendapatkan keyakinan tersebut. Okay, keduanya terdengar relevan. Lalu bagaimana dengan tiga indera lainnya? Ketiga indera lainnya memiliki kasus tersendiri karena ketiganya membantu manusia secara tidak langsung menyadari akan keberadaan-Nya lewat ciptaan-Nya, walaupun hal ini juga berlaku untuk dua indera sebelumnya. Suatu ilustrasi yang saya dapatkan dari salah satu senior saya di persekutuan kampus mungkin bisa membantu pemahaman Anda : Setelah senior saya bangun pagi, salah satu hal yang ia lakukan selain saat teduh ialah keluar kamar, mencoba mendengar kicauan burung, memandang langit pagi yang masih terlihat pucat, menghirup udara kala itu sambil meregangkan anggota tubuhnya, dan meneriakkan rasa syukurnya kepada Tuhan. Bagaimana rasanya udara tersebut menghampiri setiap permukaan tubuhnya dan aromanya hinggap di ujung hidungnya, suara burung yang sampai saat itu boleh ia dengar, dan terutama keberadaan ia sendiri pada hari itu sungguh jelas menyatakan keberadaan-Nya di dunia ini. Keindahan bumi yang boleh setiap manusia alami dengan seluruh panca inderanya tidaklah mungkin hanya merupakan suatu proses alam yang terjadi dengan sendirinya dan atau kebetulan tanpa adanya kekuatan yang lebih besar yang menggerakkannya. Contoh lain, yang merupakan secara khusus selalu membuat saya takjub, ialah keberagaman manusia di bumi ini. Saya seringkali mengagumi keindahan suara dari DBSK dan Shinee--maaf kalau ilustrasinya sedikit mengganggu. Keindahan suara masing-masing personil tersebut sangat khas dan tidak dimiliki seorang daripada yang lain. Terkesan berlebihan bagi beberapa orang, tapi hal itu benar-benar meyakinkan saya bahwa manusia diciptakan oleh sesuatu yang begitu cerdas dan kreatif dan bukan hasil evolusi dari sejenis binatang.

Apa yang didapati oleh panca indera merupakan suatu input bagi akal. Keberadaan akal membuat manusia memikirkan, menelaah, memahami informasi yang baru saja dia dapatkan. Dalam proses ini pun, manusia tidak serta merta melepaskan peran dari panca indera. Untuk lebih memahami lagi, ia gali terus informasi tersebut dengan, lagi-lagi, panca inderanya. Beberapa menemukan jawabannya, sementara yang lain terus berpikir. Jawaban yang ditemukan pun berbeda. Melanjutkan ilustrasi senior saya, mari berasumsi sebelumnya ia sama sekali belum mengetahui siapa kreator pagi yang senantiasa ia kagumi. Seseorang yang jatuh hati pada suatu lukisan yang ia lihat di satu pameran akan membuatnya bertanya-tanya mengenai pelukisnya. Begitupun dengan senior saya. Karena ia menyukai pagi, suasana pagi, secara tidak sadar akan timbul satu dorongan untuk mencari tahu siapa pencipta keindahan pagi yang ia nikmati. Dia mungkin telah sampai pada satu pengetahuan bahwa ada sesuatu yang lebih besar darinya, dari manusia manapun, yang menyebabkan kejadian indah itu. Akan tetapi, hal itu masih menjadi teka-teki baginya hingga ia mencari tahu dengan membaca, bertanya ke orang-orang, untuk mendapatkan informasi yang lebih banyak lagi. Informasi tersebut kemudian ia pilih, yang standarnya pastilah bergantung pada subjektivitas pribadinya. Setelah proses pencarian itu, bisa saja akhirnya ia temukan jawabannya atau mungkin ia harus mencari lagi karena tidak puas. Dan jawaban yang ia dapatkan pun bisa berbeda.

Satu hal yang harus digarisbawahi, akal manusia itu terbatas. Dia memang bisa membuktikan keberadaan sesuatu yang material, nyata berwujud, tapi itu karena sesuatu itu mencapai nalarnya. Ada bukti-bukti yang mendukung keberadaan sesuatu tersebut dan itu disetujui oleh nalarnya. Dan, seperti yang telah saya katakan sebelumnya, seringkali hal ini dijadikan alasan bagi mereka yang tidak percaya untuk membuktikan ketidakadaan Tuhan. Karena mereka menggunakan akal, mereka tidak, atau tidak lantas, percaya akan keberadaan-Nya. Akal manusia tidak mampu menjangkau keberadaan-Nya yang secara wujud tidak dapat dilihat, yang secara empiris susah untuk ditelusuri. Tapi justru di situlah titik pentingnya. Kalau manusia bisa menjangkau Dia dengan akal, apa bedanya manusia dengan Dia? Kalau sama saja, tidak ada yang mengagumkan dari-Nya karena apa yang Dia bisa pun pastilah kita bisa. Di sinilah iman memainkan peran penting.

Pengalaman yang manusia dapatkan lewat panca inderanya, yang diproses oleh akal hingga membentuk satu pengetahuan, dapat membantu pengadaan iman yang tak lepas dari pekerjaan Tuhan. Akal manusia hanya bisa membantu manusia untuk mendapati keberadaan Tuhan lewat pengalamannya; apa yang ia lihat, dengar, cium, rasa, dan kecap. Dari pengalaman itulah muncul suatu pengetahuan bahwa ada sesuatu yang lebih besar dari manusia yang membuatnya bisa mengalami hal tersebut. Dan atas pekerjaan TUhan, iman pun muncul, membuat manusia percaya bahwa memang ada sesuatu yang lebih besar yang sanggup mengerjakan setiap aspek dalam kehidupan di bumi ini dan itulah TUhan. Proses pencarian dan penemuan ini bisa berlangsung sebentar atau selama beberapa waktu, tergantung dari setiap individu. Ralat. Tergantung dari setiap kerendahan hati setiap individu.

Saya lupa menekankan aspek ini sebelumnya, bahwa ketika melakukan proses pencarian dan pengenalan ini, manusia harus melakukannya dengan kerendahan hati; mengakui keterbatasannya. Mungkin hal inilah yang menyebabkan beberapa orang akhirnya tidak sampai kepada jawaban yang benar.

Saya tidak tahu apa yang dialami oleh senior saya yang pertama saya singgung. Tapi entah kenapa, saya merasa ia mengeraskan hatinya. Teman-temannya telah mencoba menjelaskan padanya lewat berbagai pendekatan. Dia sendiri telah mendengar fakta-fakta seputar Tuhan dari gereja--dia bilang dia pergi ke gereja untuk mendapatkan jawabannya. Akan tetapi, dia susah untuk menerimanya karena kekerasan hatinya. Ehm, lebih dari itu, mungkin karena kesombongan dirinya atas pengetahuan yang ia miliki. Saya hanya bisa berharap senior saya itu bisa menemukan jawaban yang benar, bukan hanya jawaban yang ia inginkan. Saya sangat berharap ia bisa kembali mengenal dan percaya pada Tuhan.

Beginikah Rasanya Berpikir?

2011-04-24T14:25:00.003+07:00

Beberapa waktu lalu, saya pernah bercerita soal senior saya yang memilih untuk menganut atau menjadi agnostic. Sampai dua hari yang lalu, saya masih berpikir bahwa alasan kenapa dia memutuskan memilih aliran tersebut karena keinginannya untuk bebas dari aturan-aturan agama yang mengekang. Well, alasan sebenarnya ternyata tidak seperti itu walaupun ujung-ujungnya ya ke sana juga.

Alasannya tidak jauh berbeda dari para atheis. Hanya saja, jika atheis tidak meyakini keberadaan Tuhan, dia masih merasa MUNGKIN Tuhan itu ada. Ya, mungkin. Tetapi, keberadaan-Nya sampai saat ini masih ia pertanyakan karena tidak ada bukti empiris yang mendukung. Sederhananya, tidak ada data yang menurut nalar-nya-cukup meyakinkan bahwa Tuhan itu benar ada. Apa yang dia alami selama hidup, sampai bagian-bagian terkecil hidupnya, tidak cukup untuk membuatnya percaya bahwa Dia itu ada. Dan karena bukti itu tidak ada, dia tidak menemukan alasan untuk taat pada Tuhan.

Sepertinya saya terkesan sok tahu, tapi, sekedar informasi, saya benar-benar mengetahui hal-hal di atas dari orangnya langsung, via twitter.

Saya setuju dengan pernyataan bahwa setiap manusia harus mengenal siapa Pencipta-Nya. Itu adalah suatu keharusan, karena bagaimana mungkin kita bisa mengatakan kita mengasihi-Nya, padahal kita sendiri tidak tahu siapa Dia. Kalau pepatah bahasa Indonesia bilang, tak kenal maka tak sayang. Itu juga berlaku buat hubungan kita dengan Tuhan, bukan hanya dengan manusia lainnya. Dan agar manusia bisa mengenal-Nya, Tuhan memberikan panca indera, akal, dan juga iman. Bagaimana ketiganya dapat membantu pengenalan manusia akan ciptaan-Nya?

Panca indera yang dimiliki manusia ada lima, yaitu indera penglihatan (mata), indera pendengaran (telinga), indera pengecap (lidah), indera pembau (hidung), dan indera perasa (lidah). Saya sungguh berpikir bahwa kelima indera ini tidak sembarangan saja dirancang atau terjadi secara kebetulan pada tiap manusia. Sungguh suatu kelengkapan karena satu sama lain dari tiap indera itu saling mendukung. Ketika perut kita keroncongan, otomatis aliran informasi tubuh kita akan menyampaikan kepada otak akan hal tersebut sehingga outputnya adalah kita merasa lapar. Ketika kita lapar, kita mencari makan dan dengan indera pendengar, kita mengetahui dari orang di sebelah kita bahwa ada makanan. Kita mengambil makanan tersebut dan tanpa berpikir kita langsung memasukkannya ke mulut karena indera pembau kita, sadar atau tidak sadar, memberitahu kita bahwa makanan tersebut aman untuk dimakan karena belum basi. Sebelumnya, kita merasakan keempukan atau kekerasan dari makanan tersebut sebelum memasukkannya ke mulut kita agar kita mengetahui bagaimana sebaiknya kita memakan makanan tersebut. Setelah kita makan, keluarlah output berupa tanggapan kita akan rasa makanan tersebut;enak atau tidak. Begitulah gambaran sistem kerja panca indera tubuh manusia, walau mungkin terkesan maksa. Dan bagaimana panca indera bisa membantu pengenalan akan TUhan?

Kemudian, ada akal yang dimiliki oleh setiap manusia. Dari akal manusia, timbul pemikiran-pemikiran yang membawa kepada penemuan-penemuan baru, secara material seperti lampu, maupun nonmaterial seperti teori-teori ilmu pengetahuan. Tentu yang saya bicarakan di sini ialah akal sehat; akal yang dimiliki oleh manusia-manusia yang secara pikiran dan mental tidak atau belum terganggu. Akal biasanya merupakan suatu wadah yang dimiliki manusia untuk memasukkan input yang ia dapati dari reaksi panca indera. Ketika input tersebut memiliki satu kesan yang tidak terlupakan, akal akan dengan segera merekamnya dan menjadikannya bahan perenungan. Outputnya ialah seperti yang saya kemukakan sebelumnya. Berlawanan dengan pernyataan saya di satu paragraf sebelumnya, beberapa orang sering menjadikan akal sebagai alasan kenapa mereka tidak mudah untuk menerima satu eksistensi yang memiliki kekuatan besar, yang sangat besar hingga tidak terjangkau akalnya. Kalau sudah begitu, bagaimana akal bisa membantu manusia untuk mengenal Tuhannya?

Yang terakhir ialah iman. Dari antara tiga alat yang saya kemukakan, sepertinya imanlah yang paling layak untuk digunakan dan adanya imanlah yang membuat manusia percaya akan keberadaan Tuhan. Mengutip dari salah satu ayat Alkitab yang saya lupa kitabnya, "Iman adalah bukti dari segala sesuatu yang tidak kita lihat", semakin mendukung bahwa memang imanlah yang membuat setiap manusia meyakini adanya Tuhan karena iman itu sendirilah buktinya. Akan tetapi, iman ini tidak serta merta dimiliki oleh manusia. Ada proses yang mengiringinya sehingga iman itu bisa terbentuk. Dan panca indera serta akal memainkan perannya di sana.

Bagi para pembaca yang beragama Kristen, pastinya tidak asing dengan kutipan ini--yang lagi-lagi saya lupa dari kitab apa--"Iman timbul dari pendengaran". Meskipun hanya satu panca indera saja yang dinyatakan di situ, akan tetapi saya sadar jelas bahwa bukan hanya telinga, keempat indera manusia lainnya pun merupakan sarana untuk pembentukan iman. Bagaimana manusia bisa mendapatkan informasi? Dengan melihat, mendengar, mengecap, mencium, dan merasa. Manusia mengetahui tentang Tuhan dengan membaca (penglihatan) dan mendengar (pendengaran) dari buku-buku serta manusia-manusia lain yang telah terlebih dahulu mendapatkan keyakinan tersebut. Okay, keduanya terdengar relevan. Lalu bagaimana dengan tiga indera lainnya? Ketiga indera lainnya memiliki kasus tersendiri karena ketiganya membantu manusia secara tidak langsung menyadari akan keberadaan-Nya lewat ciptaan-Nya, walaupun hal ini juga berlaku untuk dua indera sebelumnya. Suatu ilustrasi yang saya dapatkan dari salah satu senior saya di persekutuan kampus mungkin bisa membantu pemahaman Anda : Setelah senior saya bangun pagi, salah satu hal yang ia lakukan selain saat teduh ialah keluar kamar, mencoba mendengar kicauan burung, memandang langit pagi yang masih terlihat pucat, menghirup udara kala itu sambil meregangkan anggota tubuhnya, dan meneriakkan rasa syukurnya kepada Tuhan. Bagaimana rasanya udara tersebut menghampiri setiap permukaan tubuhnya dan aromanya hinggap di ujung hidungnya, suara burung yang sampai saat itu boleh ia dengar, dan terutama keberadaan ia sendiri pada hari itu sungguh jelas menyatakan keberadaan-Nya di dunia ini. Keindahan bumi yang boleh setiap manusia alami dengan seluruh panca inderanya tidaklah mungkin hanya merupakan suatu proses alam yang terjadi dengan sendirinya dan atau kebetulan tanpa adanya kekuatan yang lebih besar yang menggerakkannya. Contoh lain, yang merupakan secara khusus selalu membuat saya takjub, ialah keberagaman manusia di bumi ini. Saya seringkali mengagumi keindahan suara dari DBSK dan Shinee--maaf kalau ilustrasinya sedikit mengganggu. Keindahan suara masing-masing personil tersebut sangat khas dan tidak dimiliki seorang daripada yang lain. Terkesan berlebihan bagi beberapa orang, tapi hal itu benar-benar meyakinkan saya bahwa manusia diciptakan oleh sesuatu yang begitu cerdas dan kreatif dan bukan hasil evolusi dari sejenis binatang.

Apa yang didapati oleh panca indera merupakan suatu input bagi akal. Keberadaan akal membuat manusia memikirkan, menelaah, memahami informasi yang baru saja dia dapatkan. Dalam proses ini pun, manusia tidak serta merta melepaskan peran dari panca indera. Untuk lebih memahami lagi, ia gali terus informasi tersebut dengan, lagi-lagi, panca inderanya. Beberapa menemukan jawabannya, sementara yang lain terus berpikir. Jawaban yang ditemukan pun berbeda. Melanjutkan ilustrasi senior saya, mari berasumsi sebelumnya ia sama sekali belum mengetahui siapa kreator pagi yang senantiasa ia kagumi. Seseorang yang jatuh hati pada suatu lukisan yang ia lihat di satu pameran akan membuatnya bertanya-tanya mengenai pelukisnya. Begitupun dengan senior saya. Karena ia menyukai pagi, suasana pagi, secara tidak sadar akan timbul satu dorongan untuk mencari tahu siapa pencipta keindahan pagi yang ia nikmati. Dia mungkin telah sampai pada satu pengetahuan bahwa ada sesuatu yang lebih besar darinya, dari manusia manapun, yang menyebabkan kejadian indah itu. Akan tetapi, hal itu masih menjadi teka-teki baginya hingga ia mencari tahu dengan membaca, bertanya ke orang-orang, untuk mendapatkan informasi yang lebih banyak lagi. Informasi tersebut kemudian ia pilih, yang standarnya pastilah bergantung pada subjektivitas pribadinya. Setelah proses pencarian itu, bisa saja akhirnya ia temukan jawabannya atau mungkin ia harus mencari lagi karena tidak puas. Dan jawaban yang ia dapatkan pun bisa berbeda.

Satu hal yang harus digarisbawahi, akal manusia itu terbatas. Dia memang bisa membuktikan keberadaan sesuatu yang material, nyata berwujud, tapi itu karena sesuatu itu mencapai nalarnya. Ada bukti-bukti yang mendukung keberadaan sesuatu tersebut dan itu disetujui oleh nalarnya. Dan, seperti yang telah saya katakan sebelumnya, seringkali hal ini dijadikan alasan bagi mereka yang tidak percaya untuk membuktikan ketidakadaan Tuhan. Karena mereka menggunakan akal, mereka tidak, atau tidak lantas, percaya akan keberadaan-Nya. Akal manusia tidak mampu menjangkau keberadaan-Nya yang secara wujud tidak dapat dilihat, yang secara empiris susah untuk ditelusuri. Tapi justru di situlah titik pentingnya. Kalau manusia bisa menjangkau Dia dengan akal, apa bedanya manusia dengan Dia? Kalau sama saja, tidak ada yang mengagumkan dari-Nya karena apa yang Dia bisa pun pastilah kita bisa. Di sinilah iman memainkan peran penting.

Pengalaman yang manusia dapatkan lewat panca inderanya, yang diproses oleh akal hingga membentuk satu pengetahuan, dapat membantu pengadaan iman yang tak lepas dari pekerjaan Tuhan. Akal manusia hanya bisa membantu manusia untuk mendapati keberadaan Tuhan lewat pengalamannya; apa yang ia lihat, dengar, cium, rasa, dan kecap. Dari pengalaman itulah muncul suatu pengetahuan bahwa ada sesuatu yang lebih besar dari manusia yang membuatnya bisa mengalami hal tersebut. Dan atas pekerjaan TUhan, iman pun muncul, membuat manusia percaya bahwa memang ada sesuatu yang lebih besar yang sanggup mengerjakan setiap aspek dalam kehidupan di bumi ini dan itulah TUhan. Proses pencarian dan penemuan ini bisa berlangsung sebentar atau selama beberapa waktu, tergantung dari setiap individu. Ralat. Tergantung dari setiap kerendahan hati setiap individu.

Saya lupa menekankan aspek ini sebelumnya, bahwa ketika melakukan proses pencarian ini, manusia harus melakukannya dengan kerendahan hati; mengakui keterbatasannya. Mungkin hal inilah yang menyebabkan beberapa orang akhirnya tidak sampai kepada jawaban yang benar.

Saya tidak tahu apa yang dialami oleh senior saya yang pertama saya singgung. Tapi entah kenapa, saya merasa ia mengeraskan hatinya. Teman-temannya telah mencoba menjelaskan padanya lewat berbagai pendekatan. Dia sendiri telah mendengar fakta-fakta seputar Tuhan dari gereja--dia bilang dia pergi ke gereja untuk mendapatkan jawabannya. Akan tetapi, dia susah untuk menerimanya karena kekerasan hatinya. Ehm, lebih dari itu, mungkin karena kesombongan dirinya atas pengetahuan yang ia miliki. Saya hanya bisa berharap senior saya itu bisa menemukan jawaban yang benar, bukan hanya jawaban yang ia inginkan. Saya sangat berharap ia bisa kembali mengenal dan percaya pada Kristus.

Sakit yang mengajarkan~~

2011-04-06T22:03:00.003+07:00

Hari ini saya merasa sangat 'dipukul' oleh Tuhan.
Pertama kalinya dalam sejarah akademis saya saya mendapatkan nilai 25 untuk mata kuliah yang tidak perlu saya sebutkan namanya. Bukan karena dosennya--dosennya sangat baik malah, bukan karena sial. Tapi memang karena salah saya sendiri. Di kelas, saya tidak pernah serius mengamati penjelasan beliau. Ketika asistensi, saya beberapa kali tidak masuk. Saya baru rajin datang asistensi waktu mau deket UTS dan saya langsung merasa pintar--kesalahan terbesar saya. Waktu belajar untuk ujian tersebut pun, saya tidak serius. Dan beginilah hasilnya...
Jujur, ketika ujian berlangsung, saya merasa yakin dengan jawaban saya. Saya merasa... yaa minimal dapat 75 lah. Eh, ternyata sehabis saya memberikan kertas jawaban saya ke pengawas ujian dan bersama teman-teman membahas kembali soal-soal ujian tersebut, SATUPUN dari jawaban saya tidak ada yang benar! Bahkan teori yang saya gunakan pun salah. Untuk nomor dengan tingkat kesulitannya paling rendah pun saya tidak bisa mengerjakannya dengan benar. GREAT, isn't it?
Inilah yang saya dapatkan. Saya sedih, kalau boleh jujur. Tapi inilah konsekuensi. Dan saya percaya Tuhan 'memukul' saya karena Dia ingin saya berubah menjadi lebih baik. Sekalipun demikian, Dia tidak membuat saya malu. Pertama, dosen saya itu mengumumkan nilai masing-masing muridnya secara individual. Dia panggil satu per satu untuk mereka melihat sendiri nilainya. Kedua, lewat dosen saya, Tuhan ngasih saya kesempatan untuk memperbaiki nilai saya dengan mengerjakan satu soal yang kesalahan saya benar-benar fatal dan penambahan poinnya--jika benar-- cukup untuk membuat saya lolos uts. Saya benar-benar sangat bersyukur bisa dapat dosen sebaik itu, dan itu tentu saja karena TUhan. My Lord is really great!
Meskipun 'dipukul', tapi Tuhan langsung memberikan 'obat' yang menyembuhkan sehingga tidak ada 'luka' yang tinggal dalam diri saya. Dan Dia 'pukul' saya karena Dia menginginkan perubahan yang lebih baik terjadi pada dan untuk diri saya.
Well, He is my Father. Whose father on earth does want to see His child hurt? =)

"Thank you Father for being so nice to your bad daughter... I promise I will keep learning and trying to improve in every aspect of my life."

Problems soon solved

2011-03-16T23:39:00.002+07:00

Belakangan ini aku baru sadar...
Di mata teman-temanku, aku tak lebih daripada 'cewek yang suka Jepang-Korea'. Gak salah sih sebenarnya, tapi waktu aku mikir-mikir lagi kok cuman segitu ya diriku di mata mereka.
Oke, aku akuin aku suka hueeebooh minta ampun kalau ada video klip penyanyi Korea favoritku. Aku suka banget diskusi soal Conan. Aku suka banget dengerin lagu-lagu bahasa Jepang ama Korea, nonton drama-dramanya plus anime, hingga akhirnya aku jadi tertarik belajar bahasa kedua negara yang penduduknya notabene mata sipit. Masih banyak lagi sebenarnya hal-hal lainnya yang mencerminkan diriku sebagai 'Chrystine si penggemar Jepang-Korea'. Tapi masa sih semuanya itu bener-bener nutupin hal-hal lainnya dalam diriku?
Dibilang sedih, kurang tepat. Kesannya aku sentimentil banget. Tapi yang jelas perasaanku saat ini jauh dari senang waktu ingat akan pikiran teman-temanku tentang aku.

Oh ya, dugaanku bukannya tanpa alasan lho. Beberapa orang langsung aja ngejawab pernyataan yang ada di kalimat atas itu waktu aku tanya apa yang mereka pikirkan tentang aku. Dan waktu aku minta terusin, mereka malah mikir. Hhh... di mata mereka aku bener-bener hanya begitu ya?

Yang membuatku makin kepikiran lagi soal pendapat mereka tentang aku adalah pernyataan Bapak Tumbur Tobing, seseorang yang dipakai Tuhan dengan sangat luar biasa, waktu membimbing saya dan teman-teman saya dalam pembinaan 'Christian Economist'. Dia memang ga menujukan perntanyaan ini langsung ke aku, tapi entah kenapa aku merasa perlu mencari jawaban akan hal ini juga. "Mereka tahu tidak kamu Kristen?"

Bukannya mau sok kudus, walaupun memang aku tengah berusaha untuk itu, tapi aku pengen banget aku dan kehidupanku benar-benar menunjukkan kalau aku ini Kristen -- pengikut Kristus. Sikap dan gaya hidupku haruslah mencerminkan Kristus, orang yang aku ikutin; Guruku, Juruselamatku, Tuhanku. Dan aku pengen ketika mereka, siapapun itu, melihatku, mereka bisa melihat sosok Dia yang sangat aku andalkan itu. Mereka bisa melihat aku yang Kristen, si pengikut Kristus. Yah, mungkin dengan kalimat yang berbeda lah, karena ga semua orang tahu tentang Kristus. At least, mereka menyebutkan salah satu ciri-ciri kepunyaan-Nya yang ada dalam diriku.

Aku sadari sepertinya memang ada hal-hal yang harus aku rubah dalam hidupku, salah satunya yang paling mendesak ialah rasa antusiasmeku pada Jepang-Korea. Tidak salah, tapi aku gak mau sepanjang hidupku orang-orang yang berada di dekatku hanya melihatku sebatas itu saja. Aku ingin mereka melihat sisiku yang lain, aku ingin menjadi saluran berkat bagi mereka lewat kehidupanku yang terbatas ini. Aku ingin menjadi instrumen untuk pekerjaan-Nya di bidang pelayananku ke depannya. Aku ingin mereka bisa melihatku sebagai Kristen. Aku sadari, itu bukan perkara mudah. Tapi ketika ada kemauan, Tuhan pasti siapkan jalan.

Aku gak akan meninggalkan rasa kagumku pada Jepang dan Korea. They indirectly tell me, in some ways, how to work wholeheartedly and not easily give up my dreams. They have good songs to my ear, good looking people to see, good stories to read and watch via drama or anime, unique languages to talk and speak (like mine ><). Yang harus aku lakukan ialah mengarahkan rasa antusiasme yang selalu berlebihan --pada apapun-- kepada Dia yang lebih pantas mendapatkannya. Karena aku adalah pengikut-Nya. =)

Another trashy poem

2011-03-16T23:37:00.000+07:00

Kamu tahu panah itu apa?
Pernahkah kamu melihatnya?
Bisakah kamu gambarkan bentuknya?
Dapatkah kamu ceritakan padaku bagaimana dia?

Tahukah kamu apa yang saat ini berada di dada kananku?
Yang menembus kulit dadaku dan menarik darah keluar membasahi separuh tubuhku?
Tahukah kamu apa yang tanganku rengkuh saat ini tanpa punya kekuatan untuk menariknya dari dadaku?

Jawaban pertanyaan awal...
sudahkah kamu temukan?

"Trusting God while crowning own self as god"

2011-03-04T18:02:00.002+07:00

"I believe in God. I do trust He exists. But I don't think I should stick with any religion... I don't think any of them suit me, suit values I'm holding..."

Recently, I've been realized that people, who call themselves agnostics, really exist, here in Indonesia. As we all know, Indonesia is a religious country and, perhaps because I usually live in the places where people are known to have their own religion, I am so surprised to know that agnostic one is really... soooo near to me. And I can't believe he was one I used to have a crush on...
He was Christian before. I am disappointed... Not because of my crush on him but more of how he throws away salvation offered for him just to hold what he thinks what's right...
Call me shitters, but I just conclude from everything I analyze on him. He's a libertarian--really is. and he's proud of it. He holds that fathom from top to toe of his. Not just an libertarian in economist, but for every aspect of his life, he holds that. That is , I figure, why he become agnostics... Trusting God but choose to hold no religion for he believes everyone has their own preference and should not be ruled by others...
I may not be as religious as a pastor, but I don't think becoming agnostics is a good decision of his life--nor of any people's life. If one thinks holding certain's religion will tie you for it consists of so many rules, norms, telling you what needs be done or not... If one thinks that doing as he/she likes is what's best for him/her... Then what does one believe in God for?

He is really influential. so unfortunate that he will only bring that kind of influence for his environment. I don't know what's so good from liberalism that he chooses to be with for his life. doesn't he realize that this fathom guarantees him nothing at the end? that this fathom will soon expire after his life? that it is vain to hold on and act according to such a fathom for all his life in this world?

If only he understands that it's not religion which rules... it's God, who has given life to every human in this world, who takes care of human when none's beside, who sacrifices His Son just to save human from death, so that He can live with His creature forever. If only he understands that after all God has done, there's no reason for him to crown himself as the king of his life... there's no reason for him to believe that he himself knows what's best for him, there's no reason for him to say he trusts God but because he has his own values he... arkh...

If only he knows that Christian is not only a religion and does not tie... it's an identity... for it tells everybody that 'I am a follower of Christ'. Which shows everybody that 'I am FREE! FREE FROM EVERLASTING DEATH! HEAVEN IS JUST ONE STEP AHEAD!'.

It's so hard for me to explain but never focus on the religion, focus on God. It's not religion that holds, but God does. it's not religion that saves, God does. It's not what you've done, but what God does that saves, for He sacrifices His own Son just for this world...

Well, I seem to dramatic and judgmental. But I'm so sad to know that one near to me can be like this. At last, that's his decision, for this time. I can only pray that God will do something for him...

Go tell it!!~~

2011-02-04T23:18:00.003+07:00

This friday is really amazing! I finally could do PI (read : pekabaran Injil) with my bestie, Yuliana. We did that together, thanks to God's bless, to three boys, age of which are around 8-11 years old. Those three boys are newspapers sellers in my campus. First, we asked just one person of them whom we firstly met. I decided to buy him a cake while Yuli bought his newspapers. But then I saw his other friend and bought him too. oh ya, the first boy was Jovan, while the second one was Fajar. We first asked them about their daily life, how come they sell newspapers and try to 'enter' the main topic with question related to lie. Then, we knew that they are all Christian. It made me braver to ask them about Jesus; who actually Jesus is, as they know. Their answer is actually as what Christian people must say.
Oh yaa we asked them if they went to church every SUnday. After that, one boy came. His name is Joel and he is cousin of Jovan. The conversation to enter main topice started from that, I thought. One of them said that he rarely went to church because his friends in the church always mocked him. Well, Yuli and I started to explain from that of why actually Christian goes to church. We told them again Jesus', our God, being crossed for our sin so that we should not be punished to death and be able to be in Heaven. They said they have ever been told about that. Yuli added that if they believe in Jesus, did what He said, prayed to Him, what they wanted could be fulfilled. Well, actually, at that time, Yuli and I were quite hesitant whether they could understand; this is our first time to do PI towards little boys. Thanks God they are Christian, at least they have known about Jesus. But we did not end there! We planned to follow up them next week and I wish we can continually meet every Friday afternoon. We require them to go church and not to care about their arrogant friends.

I am really happy yet sad at the same time. I don't know why, but when I tried to explain about Jesus being crossed as an exchange of our-MY-sin, my tears flew down. Their life-stories are sad but I dont think that's enough to make me cry. Well, I actually can't help to cry every time I remember about Jesus sacrifying in cross... It reminds me how good He is and how bad, weak I am...

Arkkhhhh. Suddenly labile! but, being labile due to this thing is not wrong, right? =)

Go tell it on the mountain,
Over the hills and everywhere,
Go tell it on the mountain,
Our Jesus Christ is born.

When I was a seeker
I sought both night and day,
I asked the Lord to help me,
And he showed me the way.

Go tell it on the mountain,
Over the hills and everywhere,
Go tell it on the mountain,
Our Jesus Christ is born.

He made me a watchman
Upon a city wall,
And if I am a Christian,
I am the least of all.

Go tell it on the mountain,
Over the hills and everywhere,
Go tell it on the mountain,
Our Jesus Christ is born.

Favorite daily quotes~~

2011-02-04T22:12:00.001+07:00

"Nikmatilah disiplin rohani sebagai relasi yang hidup dengan Allah." (Kak Vivi)

(Enjoy doing spritual discipline as an alive relation with God)

*disiplin rohani includes praying, quiet time, meditation, and so forth.

It seems so long I do not enjoy my quiet time.
What the preacher said in this friday-worshipping was really really knocking me out. I wonder if God send her to give me some lessons about what is actually the main point of my doing quiet time. I even wonder if God, through event division, wants to tell me about how He does not need me to do quiet time just to show my face to Him without meaning.
God, through His words written in Bible, wants to keep me far away from danger, sin. He wants to show His love and shows the right path for me to walk on. He wants to have a close relationship with me.
Praying, doing quiet time are ones of His ways. For a long time, I thought them as my burden which is actually BIG NO!
Say YES to spiritual discipline!

"Itu semua tergantung ketahanan brainstorming kalian." (Kak Ella)

(All depends on how long you can survive to brainstorm)

*when MEDIKLIT met for the first time and talked about how to get the right title of an article.

That's just a simple sentence, but it is so memorable to me. Till now, I think God, through Kak Ella, wanted to tell me that I should not give up when I tried hard to think. Well, peeps, I am kind of people who is really lazy to think so deep (that is why if articles written here seemed so trashy kekekekek kidding!). I love writing a fictitious story and article but I have no willing to continue developing the idea; brainstorming idea deeper and deeper. Not only because of my laziness, but also my easily-distracted-mind. I would be ignorant in brainstorming if I found something more interesting and enjoyable.But that sentence from Kak Ella... I really thank God that I could hear it. Thanks God! Thanks Kak Ella! =)

Read this, have faith, and be saved~~

2011-02-03T21:15:00.006+07:00

"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him."
John 3:16, 17

meaning

"Karena begitu besar kasih Allah akan dunia ini, sehingga Ia telah mengaruniakan Anak-Nya yang tunggal, supaya setiap orang yang percaya kepada-Nya tidak binasa melainkan beroleh hidup yang kekal. Sebab Allah mengutus Anak-Nya ke dalam dunia bukan untuk menghakimi dunia, melainkan untuk menyelamatkannya oleh Dia."

Trust in Jesus. You will be saved, I guarantee. =)

please read Look to Jesus

random post again~

2011-02-03T20:31:00.006+07:00

I am so glad that I am able to have my new modem and its SIM card work. Thanks God! =)

Just drop here to recommend you some songs. They are old songs though, I think, they still deserve to be heard .

Tohoshinki : Day Moon~Harudal~
Tenjochiki : Doushite
Mai Kuraki : Secret of My Heart
Backstreet Boys : What makes you different

Special quote :
"Things sometimes can't run as smoothly as I expect. worst, they even turn out to be so rough that I think I can't bear them. It's hard, but, I still thank God coz I know He's right beside me to help me work it out..."

Campus Life as worshiping~

2011-01-05T11:50:00.002+07:00

Campus life for me is similar to learning, studying, organizing, networking...
and also worshiping...

I don't mean to look religious but... as I get older, as I live with so many Christians now, as I learn many things from them, as I have a willing to know and experience God more and more in my life... I get to know that all things I do in this life now should be presented only to God... He has bought me, my life, with His blood... all sin, uncountable sin, has been done in His cross long time ago... no wonder if I have to present all my life to Him...
I can be like I am now, an economic student in one of best universities in this country, even in the world, is only by His Grace... Knowing this makes me realize more that, yeah, I should present my best to Him during my campus life... worshiping... doing everything just like worshiping Him...

so sweeeet... well, like peeps say, easier said than done...
but I'm still learning to implement that in my campus life...ehmm, for my entire life...

to refresh my mind, I have eliminated the songs I used to make in this blog. it needs a long time to show up with good songs heheheh

byeee

~Troubling Mourning~

2011-01-04T21:39:00.002+07:00

^konnichiwaaaa

first of all, i would like to apologize for my so-long hiatus. there were some problems with my internet connection in my kos2an and i didn't feel like posting through internet cafe hehhe. and now that i go online through my house's connection, i decide to pull aside my laziness and go make a post hehhe...

Well, when I looked back reviewing my latest post, it was about my being in my house--and now i'm here again hehe-- and about my dreams... empty dreams...

there are so many things troubling me right now, starting from my campus' thingies till the smallest part of my life... the most difficult and crucial problems, I think, is about my recent relationship with God...I feel like, instead of being nearer, i'm getting more distant with Him... empty prayer without any sincerity... hard to concentrate while i'm doing quite time... the most confusing thing is i know why that happens, there are so many things distract me , but it doesn't seem I try to find out how to handle it... i'm getting more stressed and, perhaps, all things that troubles me right now are the impacts of the 'cold' relationship i have with God...

and those empty dreams... well, I am kinda ashamed to let you know them. i'm thinking of deleting that entry right now... how come how come i dream things like those while even i have no intention of doing anything right...

stop being poor there! hehehe...
i wanna show you some improvement of my Japanese

watashi wa uchi ni imasu. chichi to haha ni aimashita.... ichiban suki desuuuuu...
korekara, watashi wa tomodachi ni aitai desu, soshite imouto to eiga o mitai desu...
emmm... Jakaruta kara Medan made hikouki de ni jikan gurai kakarimasu. uchi to ga suki desuuuuuuuuu heheheheh

Songs Recommendation :
Casting Crown-Who am I
Crystal Lewis-I'd rather have Jesus
Shinee-Quasimodo, One, Graze
DBSK-Love in the ice, bolero
CSJH The Grace-coming to you, sukoshi de ii kara, boomerang
Jaci Velasquez feat. Jill Phillips-Trust in The Lord

Too much thinking can help you sleep tight with 'horrible' dreams

2010-08-20T16:03:00.003+07:00

Something comes to my mind... spontaneously...

I wonder if someday I can be a financial planner that is able to write so many articles about how to manage 'pockets' in financial magazine, or perhaps, open an official office of mine which let anybody who has financial problems come to me, ask for my advice and so-on...

I wonder if someday I can have my own entertainment company which contains people who have various talents... not an ordinary company. I wanna have my artists trained before debut, just like what Korean entertainment industry has done before, and make them go international... through youtube first ahahah...

I wonder if someday I can publish my novels and my stories-collection throughout all nations in this world. Stories that are memorable, inherited to every generation like what was done with Shakespeare's pieces.

I wonder if someday I can join writing competition again and win again and be able to take the price.

I wonder if someday I can speak more than five languages; Indonesian, Bataknese, English, Japanese, Korean, and two more languages from European countries, so that I can write stories with those languages and easily communicate with people there.

I wonder if someday...

These things are too many, or, too much.
I am such a heavy sleeper! would you mind waking me up from this thought?
ahahahha.

MISC-THINGS

2010-08-18T13:20:00.002+07:00

KONICHIWA, MINA-SAN!
I feel good today! For your information I have been in Medan since three days ago and thanks God, I feel relieved I'm able to see all my family in good conditions ever since I left them about six months ago. I have planned to go to some places while I am in Medan, do enjoyable things during these 11 days like having my face a facial treatment, shopping, hanging out with mom, and giving my grandfather's stone a visit. =). I happen to think of hanging out with my buds here, but they are still busy with academic stuffs and new students in their university. so sad, it's quite impossible for having fun with them...

You know, one day before going to Medan, which was Saturday, I had a final exam for my Japanese level-1 course. I loved the test, really, though I can't be sure I can get 100% right from the score. But the test was really fun to do! I loved the listening part the most. I don't know why, but I just liked the accent of Japanese people in talking. it seems like every words they say is so important that they need to put a lot of spirit to say them all. But I am still stupid in doing kaiwa, Japanese conversation. I still cannot imitate their accent. hikshiks...

After finishing the test, I went out to meet my friend, Ibeth. I promised to accompany her to get some information about Mandarin course in LBI. While we were waiting at the lobby, I found some course students who asked for their certificates. They were Korean-course students. I guessed they have passed level 4, because only level 4-students can achieve certificates for studying language(s) in LBI. Well, that fact did not really amuse me until I heard them speak each other with Korean FLUENTLY WITHOUT PAUSE, LIKE THEY ARE REALLY KOREAN MEN! at first, I couldn't believe what I heard. I mean, as far as I know, Korean is really difficult to hear and to speak! but they... can! oh myy... I was so jealous that I could not stop admiring them in front of Ibeth. oohhhhh, I wondered if someday I can speak both Japanese and Korean as fluently as they can...

Well, enough for today. haha. as a closing statement, I want to write a little Japanese here that I know so far =)

Watashi wa hitori de ja arimasen! anata mo ja arimasen!
koibito imasen kedo, watashi wa taisetsu na hito ni imasu! anata mo imasu!

sorry for my bad Japanese! I try harder to improve!
GANBARIMASU! =)

Sudden thought~Bless

2010-07-27T06:54:00.000+07:00

recently, I have been thinking about this thing so much. it is about bless. Well, actually, it's quite awkward for me to talk about this matter since I never really concern about this before. But this thought came suddenly, really unexpectedly due to some incidents happened to me recently.

I don't know whether it's because of my too-high-confidence or not, but I feel I'm really blessed. Really. Do not know how to say it, but everytime I think about how free I can breath, how well I have done my works, how good the scores I get from my lessons, how safe I am while I am walkingg, how I was born, and am still, a Christian, I can never stop thanking God and feeling so blessed. Some of things I achieved even are not what I wished before but later, I found it important and needed for my life, like being in FEUI as one of example. What is it called if it's not bless? so plentiful my life is with bless.. and I am sure you are too!

But feeling so blessed sometimes may make you arrogant... at least for me. What I need is always prepared by Him. Even there are times when I do not need to put my efforts to get something I want best and God, with His amazing way, gives that to me. and it makes me happy, thankful, as well as arrogant. Because of it, I sometimes feel that everything will come its own way to me from God whenever I want and that kind of thought makes me lazy to try with all things on myself reaching what I wish. I feel if I ONLY ask, God will make my wish come true. Sometimes, when I try to evaluate my attitude towards Him, it seems like I am the master of Him, looking at how bossy I am when I ask and pray to Him. and when it comes to things I wish unable to be true, I, consciously or not, blame God that He does not give what I want. what a 'seenak udel' thought, right? the silliest thing is when I face such a situation, I will feel like I am the most 'sial' person, which means that I am not blessed. I realize that is wrong but it can't helped. Thought is really terrible; it can't stop though your mouth has long been shuted. haha.But it does not mean that I do not make some efforts to change. Well, looking myself makes me wonder, actually, why God easily gives some things, bless, to me while not to others?

Yeah, I happened to wonder something like that when I typed this letters. But when I went back to see things happen recently, I think what God has given, everything, is a bless. But He has different ways to show that He cares, He blesses. For example, what happened to me while I was facing financial management is really unexpected. Actually, I was not well-prepared. I only learned some chapters and solved last-year final exam question as an exercise before test. My situation was really pathetic and I was afraid. I ignored my daily quiet time and so on. Shortly, the time for exam came. While I looked at the first number, I shouted at my heart, thank Him that I was blessed because the question was what I learned in the last meeting of my class. I did it very happily. And for the second number, at glance, I felt I could do it but... it was not as easy as I thought. I skipped that and continued other numbers. there were three remaining questions, and every questions have many questions in it. and I could not finish each of them. I mean, I left one or some questions in that questions because I did not know how to solve it. I blamed my self because I never prepared myself with good studying hours and other regret statement. I happened to think that God did not have a willing to help me. and I shouted how afraid I was if I could not pass this lesson, ask Him, beg Him to let me pass. and you know, slowly but sure, I could finish the second number and then did the rest numbers. I did not know whether they were right or not, but I felt really helped by God and thanked Him. From this incident, I think what I have stated in the fourth sentence. He still blessed, of course always blesses, in the way I can not predict. He surely guided me but when I was being arrogant, He first gave me a short-lesson so that my arrogancy did not happen continually. But still, I am afraid till this letter is made if I do not pass financial management. I really wish I will pass...

Back to the main topic, bless is already known as His free gifts that everyone achieves. not because what people do, but because He wants people to achieve. He may give to people without letting them pouring out some efforts. But there are conditions that He makes people try first, even pray and beg really intensively, so that bless can be achieved. I actually do not know exactly, but I always feel He does the conditions to me to eliminate my arrogancy of bless I achieved. Moreover, bless, I think, is not always achieved in a form of something good, something helpful, or what we wish to achieve, but also in a form of 'hard lesson' to shape people taking it to be a better person.

That is all my writing now. Sorry for my bad english, bad way to pour out my idea. hehe.
I wish this can be useful for you, readers, and help you realize about bless around you...

Thank you!
Ja, matta next writing!

imagination~

2010-07-07T19:41:00.000+07:00

saat kejadian itu terjadi, saya tengah berada di dapur.
memasak untuk makan siang anak saya yang berumur 5 tahun.
ia baru pulang dari sekolah, taman kanak-kanak.
sambil bernyanyi dengan suara kecil, saya siapkan nasi plus daging ayam goreng yang saya potong kecil-kecil sebagai makan siangnya.
dia sangat menyukainya...
saya bawa makanan tersebut dan sambil berjalan menuju ruang TV tempat ia tengah berada, saya panggil namanya.
namun tidak ada sahutan.
ah, mungkin dia tengah menonton dengan seriusnya.
tak sabar saya ingin sampai ke sana, menatap wajah kecil itu yang tengah serius menonton. pasti lucu sekali...
sesampainya aku di sana, aku melihat kepala kecilnya menyembul dari sofa. posisinya membelakangi saya, sehingga tidak bisa saya lihat wajahnya yang lucu.
ia tengah menonton kartun favoritnya, sponge bob squarepants
masih tersenyum, saya berjalan ke arahnya.
namun...
tiba-tiba piring yang saya pegang jatuh...
saya mendadak mengalami sesak nafas yang tidak pernah saya alami sebelumnya. ini bukan asma...
kepala saya mendadak pusing, dan mulut saya menganga, ingin menjerit namun tidak mampu...
mata ini pun tanpa instruksi apapun mengeluarkan titik-titik air...

tubuh kecil di hadapanku tersandar tak berdaya di atas sofa...
kepalanya... bagian depan kepalanya bersimbah darah...
bagian tengah dahinya berlubang...
apa... apa yang terjadi pada anak saya??

tiba-tiba, gelak tawa muncul, mengejutkan dan mengalihkan perhatian saya...
itu milik seorang lelaki...
ia berdiri di sebelah televisi. entah sejak kapan ia berada di sana.
di tangannya tergenggam sebuah senapan...
itukah...
senjata itu kah yang membuat anak saya begini?
tangan itu kah yang menarik pelatuknya?
tega...
anak sendiri ia perlakukan begini...

saya berjalan, mencoba menyerangnya, ingin membuatnya menderita...
namun apa daya, sebuah bunyi menghentikanku...
bunyi senapan itu... saat ditarik pelatuknya ...

2010-05-25T22:30:00.003+07:00

konichiwaaaaaa minna~~~

it's been long time, I think, since my last post. hehe. so sorry for taking such a long time to hibernate. Well, I've just finished my final semester exam. They were not easy, really. Well, if only I studied hard, I would not say that. That's what a person gets lazy to study. No guarantee for knowledge saved last, no guarantee getting good scores. hiks hiks... But well, what do I get by regretting and mourning like this? hoh

Good news! I have taken a japanese course now at Internasional Language Institute (Lembaga Bahasa Internasional) UI. My dream to be able to speak and write Japanese is about to be trueee!! YEAH! THANKS GOD!
^^
Ok, I will stop being so crazy that you all even will not understand what I wrote, ehrr, typed!
Let's get serious!
I want to share some reviews about two songs I have been heard recently. They are all korean's. They are :

Super Junior-Miinah (Bonamana)

This is the latest single of a famous Korean boyband, who is my favorite, Super Junior. Well, SuJu actually is consist of 13 members, but due to some reasons, only ten members can get involved in the process of making their fourth album.
Well, Miinah (Bonamana) is their first single of this album. Miinah means beauty, while Bonamana means for sure. All I can say is... instead of their incomplete members... I LOVE THIS SONG!!! :) Kyuhyun is really handsome and ever since I saw the PV of this single, I've fallen in love in Kyuhyuuuun! And Siwon is also great, though I do not like his hairstyle so much. But those two boys... ARKKKHHHHH they took my heartttttttttttth huhuhu. And what attracts me more is the meaning of this lyrics... kyaaaa, that melts me... easily... and much! hoho. The music is an upbeat one and successfully attracts me to shake my body. SuJu never disappoints me... well, not much lah... kyaaa.
I'll post the lyrics and translation in my next post. :)

F(X) - Nu ABO
this is one of Korean girl-band from SM Entertainment. It is consist of five girls; Victoria, Amber, Luna, Sulli, and Krystal. For your information, Victoria is a purely Chinese-born girl, while others are Korean. In addition, VIctoria is the oldest and that fact makes her become the leader of this girl band.
talking about their latest single, I firstly knew this from my friend. she showed me its teaser and it was quite interesting. I like the way they dressed, though they looked like a lil' bit 2ne1 in their PV :FIRE-street version(2ne1 is also one of famous Korean girl-band who came before f(x).) Their song is energetic and I love the chorus, though I feel some parts of the song do not have any connection. Well, I am impressed with Amber. She is cute as well as handsome for a girl. :)

Huaaaa, finally comes to the final part. heheh.
That is all for now, fella! wish u enjoy your day after this and I wanna give a closing statement : those two singles are recommended for you to hear and see the PV.

~Sayounara miina-san~

2010-05-14T21:17:00.001+07:00

Well, well... this day is full of amazing things! Just like yesterday of course~~~

First, aku bangun sekitar jam setengah 8 pagi tadi setelah berhasil tidur sekitar jam setengah 3 pagi. Thanks to Him, aku bangun dalam keadaan perasaan yang segar walaupun mata masih ketarik-tarik ke bawah. hehe. Suatu mukjizat lhoo, soalnya biasanya kalau aku bangun dalam keadaan yang masih mengantuk, mood pasti kagak pernah bagus. hoho. Dan juga, chance for being able to breathe till this day is also one amazing thing. hehe

Second, tadi aku follow-up EF Depoooook. Well, yg bikin seneng bukan itunya sih. Belum ada jawaban dr mereka apa mereka mau bekerja sama promosi di UI GUIDE... tappiii, masalah yang aku takutkan kemarin2 itu ga kejadiaan. Puji Tuhan bangeeet. Jadi gini, dari minggu lalu aku kan uda mulai marcall kan, tp proposalnya belum ada mulu dan Kak Pasman selaku PO dari UI GUIDE 2010 ini bilang kalau proposalnya jadi minggu depannya lagi di hari Senin. Ya uda, ditunggui ehhhh belum ada. Msh harus direvisi lagi ternyt. Janjinya sih besoknya tapppiii itu juga belum siap karena design backgroundnya belum jadi. Dan dengan nekaat, aku masukkin aja background proposalnya (kebetulan ada di e-mail ui guide). dan dengan berani dan sok teeeeu, aku kirim proposal yg msh dalam format doc word. Wkt aku lapor ke koor aku, dia langsung bilang itu ga boleeeh. Ngirim proposal dalam format doc itu ga sopan. Begitu denger hal itu, langsung deh aku paniik. Untungnya dua hr setelah itu, tptnya Kamis, aku dpt kbr kalo proposal format pdf uda jadi tinggal di download dr e-mail. Capcus, I resent the e-mail to EF DEPOK. dan hari ini, langsung aku follow-up ibu Vica. Thanks Goddddd, e-mail yang sebelumnya ga bisa kebaca Ibunya cmn bisa ngeliat yg pdf, hhho. seneng deeeh, makasih Tuhan

Third, aku ga jadi presentasi hari ini karena suatu technical error. Well, waktu mau presentasi, tiba2 aja isi flashdisknya ilang gitu. But I should thank my God. to be honest, aku sama sekali belum siap buat presentasi mpk ing. powerpoint yang aku buat itu bener2 pas-pasan banget, padahal aku tau aku bisa bikin jauuuuuh lebih baik dari situ. huhuhu. belum lagi aku juga masih ngerasa kurang sreg dengan konten paper yang aku presentasiin, karena jujur, pst ngebosenin. fiuuuh~~ tapi Tuhan itu bener2 pengertiaan! pertolonganNya ga pernah terlambattttt. Dia menolong dengan cara yang tidak terduga kayak tadi. Dan untungnya, aku disuruh presentasi besok dan akhirnya, temen2ku yang lain jadinya presentasi. And one thing that was not expected before, ada yang topiknya sama kayak akuuuu. waaah... gila untung aja tadi aku belum sempat presentasi. dan beruntung, salah satu temenku ngasih aku saran buat ganti topik yang lebih menarikk kyak ttg Lehman Brothers atau printing books vs ebooks. Well, I prefer the second one. heheh. Lagi dalam proses pembuatan ni, buat besok hehehe. Dan aku tau, ini semua pekerjaan-Nya. once... thanks God! =)

Selain amazing things yang aku alamin, ada juga beberapa hal yang membuatku sedikit galau dan bingung.

First, my mom, dad, bro or my sist have not contacted me yet. yaa, emang sih minggu kemarin mama baru dateng ke Jakarta. tapi itu cuman bentar dan bukan berarti ga nelepon2 selama seminggu setelahnya kan?? waktu aku sms nanyain kabar juga jawabannya singkat amat. ;( Mom, Dad, call me pleaase

Second,besok tgl 15 Mei kelas les bahasa Jepang aku yang lama belajarnya 4 jam bakal mulai. aku seneng bangetttt tappppppppi besok juga ada tambahan mpk ing buat yg belum presentasiiiii. huhuhu. masa aku ga ikut ampe abis di hari pertama? masa aku harus ga ikut sama sekali les bahasa Jepangnyaaaa? ampuuuuun deh...

Tapi, walaupun gitu, I know God will show me the way. God will knock my mom and dad's door of thought supaya mereka keinget buat nelepon hehee. But, I will begin calling them first...

Past hurt, but now it remains only a scar~

2010-05-02T16:53:00.008+07:00

What do you feel if you find yourself be in love with someone whom you used to avoid due to his indirect relation to your bad past event?

Yup! Itulah gambaran singkat dari novel karangan Ilana Tan yang paling baru ini. Novel ini menggambarkan bagaimana Naomi Ishida, seorang model cantik keturunan Jepang-Indonesia, berusaha keras untuk menghindari seorang model pria tampan asal Korea bernama Danny Joe karena si Danny ini secara tidak langsung punya hubungan dengan masa lalu kelam Naomi. Well, mereka berdua dipertemukan oleh pekerjaan, yaitu menjadi model video klip seorang penyanyi Korea yang juga teman dekatnya Danny. Danny yang menyadari hal itu lantas mencoba untuk lebih dekat dengan Naomi. Mulai dari ngajakin si Naomi ngobrol di lokasi syuting, ngajakin Naomi pulang bareng, ampe ngajakin si Naomi makan fish and chips di sebuah taman yang Naomi bahkan ga ngeh akan keberadaannya di London. Nah, dari sono lah si Naomi akhirnya terkesan dengan Danny. Mereka berdua akhirnya makin dekat dan dekaaat. Naomi pun perlahan mulai melupakan hubungan antara Danny Joe dengan masa lalu kelamnya itu...
Tapi, ga seru kalo masalahnya segitu doang. Naah, Naomi tu punya temen yang notabene editor in chief majalah fashion gitu. Si Miho ini dijodohin mamanya ama anak teman mamanya waktu dia lagi di Korea. Bisa tebak dong, ama siapa? ama DANNY JOE!!! sekali lagi ya, biar hip... DANNY JOE. hohoo. For your info, nyokapnya si Danny Joe tu hobiii banget jodohin anak cowoknya nan cakep itu ama cewek-cewek cantik, tapi ga ada satupun yang berkesan ama Joe. Begitu juga dengan si Miho. Tapi, waktu Miho tahu si Danny itu cuakepnya luar biasa plus punya kharisma yang memancar bahkan ketika dia diam (lebaaai ah), dia naksir deh ama si Danny. Hoho. Api cemburu mulai terpercik di hati Naomi waktu ngelihat Danny makin akrab ama Miho (si Miho ni yang suka cari perhatiaaan). Well, meskipun begitu, Danny sebenarnya menyimpan rasa sayang ama si Naomi. Miho kemudian menyadarinya dan yahh, perang dingin sempat terjadi di antara mereka walau akhirnya Naomi dan Danny sukses menjalin hubungan-tanpa-status. hoho. pernyataan cinta sama sekali belum siap untuk mereka lontarkan ke satu sama lain.
Mereka sempat merasakan yang namanya 'dunia-serasa-milik-berdua' sampe something happens. Yup. Dan itu terjadi ketika mereka datang ke pesta temennya Naomi. Di pesta itu, Naomi ketemu ama seseorang yang secara langsung punya hubungan dengan masa lalu Naomi. Semenjak kejadian itu, hubungan Naomi dan Danny mulai renggang dan akhirnya... 'jauh'. Well, hal ini jelas membuka kenyataan yang terjadi di masa lalu pada diri Naomi... apakah itu? baca sendiri!!!
Endingnya, yah, mungkin uda ketebak kali ya. hoho

Well, buat kalian yang ngikutin novel Ilana Tan, harusnya uda tahu kalo ini novel keempatnya dari rangkaian novel yang bertemakan musim. Seperti judulnya, latar waktu kejadian di novel ini terjadi di musim semi di kota London. hoho. Dan seperti biasa, Ilana Tan menggunakan tokoh-tokoh yang punya koneksi dengan tokoh-tokoh di novel2 karyanya sebelumnya. Genre novelnya tetep sama, romantic-romantic gimanaa gitu. Dan sama kayak novelnya yang lain, Spring in London sukses bikin aku malu-malu sangat mauu. hoho (walaupun ga se-'malu-malu sangat mau' waktu baca Winter in Tokyo). Ada pesan-pesan yang bisa ditangkap dari novel ini, di antaranya adalah bahwa ketika kita mencintai seseorang yang secara tidak langsung punya hubungan dengan bagian yang buruk dari masa lalu kita, kita harus menerima perasaan kita itu dan jangan mengait-ngaitkan kejadian buruk itu dengan orang itu. Karena hal itu bisa bikin sakit orang itu ketika ia punya perasaan yang sama dengan kita. Itu yang pertama! Yang kedua, kalau emang cinta, kejarr terus, apalagi kalau orang itu ternyata punya perasaan yang sama ke kita. hoho. =)
Intinya, seberapa dalam bekas yang ditorehkan ama masa lalu itu, jangan sampe itu jadi penghalang buat kita melangkah maju menuju kehidupan (cinta) yang baik. Mungkin ada luka yang tertoreh dari masa lalu, tapi seiring dengan berjalannya waktu, toh dia hanya akan jadi bekas yang tidak menghasilkan rasa sakit.
Mungkin rasa sakitnya masih ada, tapi dikit. hehe.
Hal itu juga aku pelajari dari novel ini dan akan aku coba terapkan walaupun kasusnya beda. Kalau si Naomi mencoba menghilangkan bayang - bayang masa lalunya dari orang yang punya hubungan tidak langsung dengan itu, aku mencoba men-delete itu dari orangnya langsung, yang bikin aku sakit hati. hohoh.
Novel ini satu-satunya yang berhasil aku baca ampe selesai semenjak memulai semester dua di fakultas ekonomi milik universitas yang menyandang nama negaraku ini.
makanya, bener-bener berkesan.
Well, buat yang penasaran ama ceritanya, buruan beli deh! Sayang banget cuman minjem! Berkali-kali dibaca juga ga bakal bosen lhoo bener dah!
Okay, see you on my next songs-novel-life review!
Semoga aku semakin rajin update ini blog.

God bless u

in a glance

2010-04-24T20:48:00.002+07:00

Many things happened today. =)
Hari ini, Sabtu, 24 April 2010, KK Raya 2010 dilaksanakan. Tempatnya di BUPERTA Cibubur. Tadi sempet berniat buat ga ikut, karena bangunnya siang banget ( ya iyalah, tadi malam baru tidur ja
Jam setengah 3 pagi!). Terus abis saat teduh yang terkesan ga serius, aku ngelanjutin tidur lagi. Eh, tiba-tiba PKK (read : pemimpin kelompok kecil) aku nelepon ngajakin aku buat pergi. Aku sempat kaget sih, waktu denger Kak Gladys (my PKK) ikut, abisan kemarin2 dia bilang ga bisa. Terus dia ngasih tau kalo masih sepi, padahal itu uda jam 8 lho, dan harusnya sih planning kemarin2 paling telat jam setengah 8. Ngedenger hal itu, aku langsung beranjak dari tempat tidur, beres-beres kamar, mandi, jajan roti, berangkat ke FE!!!! Thanks God buat kekuatan dan orang yang dia kasih buat bantu aku ngusir rasa ngantuk dan males. hehe.
Rombongan KK Raya 2010 berangkat sekitar jam 8 lewat, mungkin jam 9 ya. Aku duduk bareng satu tkk aku (Lestria) dan Kak Gladys. yang satu lagi, namanya Debora, uda berangkat duluan karena dia bertugas sebagai usher (semacam penerima tamu gitu). Kita ga terlalu banyak ngobrol sih selama perjalanan dan aku ngerasa dikit bersalah sih, abisan aku diem2 aja, dan ngerasa dikit bete gara2 masih ngantuk.
Untungnya, pas acaranya mulai, aku uda mulai segeran. Aku banyak ketawa bareng Kak Gladys ama Lestria. Waktu dengerin khotbah dari alumni MIPA juga, Puji Tuhan, msh bisa dengerin serius walaupun, seperti biasa, ada beberapa saat aku asyik dengan pikiranku sendiri. yang jelas, khotbahnya itu bener2 ngena ke aku banget. Inti dari khotbahnya adalah seseorang yang ingin hidup sepadan dengan Injil Kristus harus konsisten untuk memberitakan Injil. Dan semuanya itu bisa dimulai dengan kelompok kecil, yang merupakan latihan untuk berjuang untuk Injil Kristus. Semua orang Kristen perlu terlibat secara langsung dalam pemberitaan Injil, mengingat banyak hal yang telah Yesus lakukan untuk semua orang, bahkan yang tidak percaya kepadanya. Perlu komitmen yang ga boleh ngasal (bener2 ngenaaaa) dalam kelompok kecil. Terus kakaknya juga bilang kalo apa yang uda terjadi ama kita itu ga ada apa-apanya dibandingkan dengan apa yang Yesus rasakan, juga bila dibandingkan dengan penderitaan para martir. Aku jadi malu sendiri, karena tiap ada masalah pasti aku selalu ngerasa menderita bangeeeeet padahal sebenarnya biasa aja. Istilah umumnya : terlalu melebai-lebaikan.
Aku jadi mikir juga kalau aku ga seharusnya berdiam di arena amanku. Kalau mau bener2 melayani, ya terjun langsung. Tapi jujur, aku itu bukan orang yang pandai bicara di depan umum untuk hal ini. Bahkan untuk nyalurin lewat tulisan aja aku ga berani, karena aku itu ga tau apa-apa tentang Yesus, isi Alkitab dan aku juga ga tau menafsirkannya. Aku juga ga berani jadi PKK, mengingat PKK itu secara tidak langsung akan dijadikan contoh oleh AKKnya. Aku ngerasa ga pantas. tapi, kalau dibilang ga mau, sebenarnya aku mau... bingunglah. Semoga aku bisa menemukan jalan yang sesuai untuk melayani Tuhan.
Lalu acara dilanjutkan dengan makan siang dan games. Well, singkat cerita, juara 3 dari games tersebut adalah tim Thomas, yang tak lain dan tak bukan, adalah timku, Kak Windy, Kak Gene, Debora, Pita, dan Reza. Bener-bener ga disangka lhoooo, mengingat kami itu banyakan kalahnya dari menangnya tadi. hehehe. Bener2 Tuhan yang bekerja lho. =)
terus, ada sesi lomba Pohon KK gitu dan dimenangin ama Pohon KK-ku. Pohon KK itu kayak pohon keluarga, ada opung (read : nenek/kakek), mama-papa, dan anak. hohoho.Pohon KK-ku yang paling terpanjang, mulai dari tkk-nya PKK-nya PKK ku (mereka dibilang opung KK), mama KK (pkk-ku ama tkknya yang lain yang jadi PKK) terus anak KK(aku, tkk2ku, sama sepupu KK-- AKKnya tkknya PKK aku)) hohoho. ribet ya, tapi menyenangkan lhoho, hhaha.
abis itu ada sesi foto2 KK, foto2 angkatan juga. seruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
di sana juga ada bekas gebetan aku. hoho.lumayan lho dia, bisa nyanyi terus nyiptain lagu bareng tkk2nya. hohoo.
dan aku kecewaaaa karena ternyata acaranya uda berakhirr.
dan aku kembali ke kehidupan nyataku...
T_T
Well, I should face it anyway, so I can implement what the preacher said and told. ^_^
Thanks God, we all arrived safely...

I am sure, You will call me, tell me the path I should be in, show me the way to reach it

I am 'Simson'.

2010-04-24T00:00:00.005+07:00

Hello again...
this time will be different. I will use Indonesian to tell you what things happened to me. my friend said it was more simple and I think I agree with her. moreover, Indonesian is my mother language. but do not be sad, I will still use English in some certain parts. ^^. this is about what I realized and got from my quiet time.

Tadi pagi begitu bangun (setelah berjuang keras melawan rasa kantuk dan malas yang bener-bener parah!) aku saat teduh pake Manna Sorgawi. Renungan teduh tadi pagi cukup menarik, mengenai kunci kesuksesan orang Cina yang patut ditiru oleh kita orang Indonesia. Terus iseng-iseng, aku ngelihat bagian PA (read: pendalaman Alkitab), di halaman sebelah renungan saat teduh pagi ini. PA-nya tentang Simson, yang walaupun terpilih sebagai nazir (pelayan) Allah, masih saja melakukan hal-hal yang tidak disukai oleh Tuhan. Salah satunya adalah dengan menikah dengan seorang cewek Filistin (bukan Delila,ya), walaupun hal itu terjadi dengan seizin Tuhan sebagai jalan untuk menghukum orang Filistin(jujur, di sini aku ga begitu ngerti T_T). Padahal papanya, si Manoah, jelas-jelas tidak setuju. Nah, hal-hal yang tidak disukai Tuhan yang dilakuin ama Simson ga cuman sampe situ. Dia juga pernah makan bangkai singa yang ada sedikit madunya karena sempat dikelilingi oleh sekawanan lebah, yang sebelumnya uda dia kalahkan. Lebah-lebahnya sih uda menyingkir, dan saat itu iklimnya juga panas dan kering jadinya bangkainya cepat kering deh. Uda gitu, dia ngasih ke bokap-nyokapnya tapi ga mau ngasih tau ke mereka asal-usul daging itu dari mana. Dari situ, sama Charles F. Pfeiffer disimpulin kalo hal itu sebenarnya merupakan suatu pantangan yang sebenarnya ga boleh dilakuin ama nazir, karena nazir bahkan ga boleh bersentuhan ama bangkai.Ga berhenti sampe di situ, waktu Simson akhirnya ngadain pesta pernikahan ama cewek Filistin, kebanyakan tamu yang diundang itu orang FIlistin dan ada deskripsi ga langsung-- dijelasin ama Manna Sorgawi-nya-- kalau yang namanya pesta tu pasti ada anggur, dan sebenarnya anggur itu hal yang dialarang untuk Simson. kesimpulannya sih, sebagai nazir, Simson tidak memiliki disiplin diri yang baik.
ceritanya sih ga sampai di situ, tapi PA untuk hari Jumat, 23 April 2010, hanya membahas sampai situ doang.
Yah, meskipun cuman sekilas, aku cukup merasa... tertampar.
I am the 'Simson'.
Sebagai seorang pengikut Kristus, yang secara nyata tersurat di namaku, banyak pelanggaran yang secara TENANG & TERANG-TERANGAN kulakukan di hadapan Tuhan...
Pertama, disiplin diriku benar-benar ga baik. Uda berapa banyak dan berapa kali komitmenku dengan Tuhan aku langgar. Aku uda pernah janji untuk rutin saat teduh pagi dan malam. Untuk yang pagi, Puji Tuhan, lancar-lancar aja sih. tapi kalau yang malam, beughh! Sebulan-dua bulan pertama aja yang rajin. setelah itu, kacau. males-malesan! Terus juga komitmen aku untuk puasa Senin-Jumat juga aku langgar HARI INI karena ngerasa sayang nolak traktiran. Konyol kan, karena ga bisa nahan diri, akhirnya ngelanggar komitmen ama Tuhan? Belum lagi banyak hal yang aku janjikan bakal aku kerjakan sampe sekarang tuh belum terealisasikan. Nginget banyak tindak indisiplin yang aku lakuin , aku jadi pengen nangis.
Kedua, yang menurut aku hampir fatal, aku sekarang lagi mengalami yang namanya perasaan suka, dan itu dengan seseorang yang beda keyakinan ama aku. Well, ama dua orang lagi (tp yang satu lagi uda punya pacar ternyata). Hwaaa, aku ga tahu kenapa itu terjadi sama aku. Mungkin emang pertahanan diriku ga kuat kali ya. Jujur, semenjak masuk kuliah, semenjak uda ngelewatin yang namanya PIPA (read : Pendalaman Injil lewat Pendalaman Alkitab) ampe sekarang tengah mendalami firman Tuhan lewat Kelompok Kecil, aku benar-benar menghindari dan menentang (walaupun ga secara frontal) yang namanya hubungan beda agama walaupun cuman sekedar pacaran, karena aku akhirnya tahu itu salah. Beda emang indah, tapi untuk beda dalam hal yang ini, sama sekali ga ada indah-indahnya. Dan sekarang, aku hampir ngerusak prinsip yang uda aku bentuk di diriku selama di sinii . Yah, ini emang resiko kuliah di tempat yang benar-benar heterogen dari suku ampe agama (dari aku TK ampe SMA, aku sekolah di sekolah Protestan dan Katolik). Tapi, hey, yang lain tu berhasil melewati itu. Masa kan aku... arkkkhhh. Puji Tuhan, aku masih bisa 'mengontrol', perasaanku ke salah satu dari mereka itu. Itu juga ga dalem2 amat. Yah, ada beberapa hal yang aku kagumi dari mereka dan semoga aku suka mereka KARENA HAL-HAL YANG KUKAGUMI ITU.
Ketiga, aku masih suka seenaknya ama orangtuaku. Masih suka ngelawan, ngebandel kalau dibilangin. Masih kurang hormat ama mereka, padahal sebagai anak, aku harusnya menghormati mereka, bukan nyuruh-nyuruh mereka atau bahkan nyuekin mereka. ini juga fatal.
Well, I am scared I will continue to be a worse person...
tapi ENGGAK! ga satupun hal sebenarnya boleh ditakutin, selain Tuhan tentunya.
First thing, aku benar-benar minta maaf, Tuhan... layakkanlah aku untuk terus, tetap menjadi umatmu...
aku bakal berusaha untuk lebih disiplin lagi dalam menjalankan komitmenku dengan Tuhan ,ga bakal sembarang menyukai seseorang yang jelas-jelas beda keyakinan, dan bakal sepenuhnya hormat ama orangtua.
Walaupun secara fisik aku ga sekuat Simson, tapi aku bakal berusaha untuk lebih kuat dari Simson dalam hal pertahanan diri.

Well, I know they are not easy to do... But I will keep trying, praying, asking Him for the ability to do them.
I will try to follow Him, do everything for the sake of Him.
Nothing is impossible as long as God is with me.
Amien.

PS : masih ada kelanjutan cerita Simson sebenarnya. Well, I try to make it here for you though I can not promise you. ^^

Looklet - Look: vampire's bride

2010-04-21T10:46:00.000+07:00

Looklet - Look: vampire's bride

2010-04-21T10:45:00.000+07:00

Looklet - Look: vampire's bride

Looklet - User: Chryssalis (Looks)

2010-04-21T10:44:00.000+07:00

Looklet - User: Chryssalis (Looks)

Looklet - User: Chryssalis (Wall)

2010-04-21T10:43:00.000+07:00

Looklet - User: Chryssalis (Wall)

random blaaaaaaa

2010-04-21T09:54:00.002+07:00

hello, fellas! I am now blogging at FEUI library while hunting for some sources for my writing. =)
first of all, HAPPY KARTINI'S DAY, GIRLS AND WOMEN! =)
well, I have just finished my cooperative class. like usual, I only hear a little of my teacher's speech. poor me. but a little means more than nothing. LOL.
it's been a long time for me not to write an imaginary story, and I am now missing for that. there is a writing competition in my campus, but the deadline will be in April 23, 2010. I do not know if I can make it... I still do not know what to write. Does God have take that precious talent away from me due to my laziness? I hope not...

I promise you I will come with novel's review in my last entry. But I can not now, because I do not know which novel I want to review. There are some new novels I successfully read till finish but... I am not in the mood... blaaaaaaaah.

anyway, just wait!

it's time for me to go back to my university work. byeeeeee
=)

till the 3rd week of April...

2010-04-18T22:38:00.003+07:00

it's been so long time...AGAIN!
well, I was really lazy to write some entries. so many things happened and I was just too lazy to go blogging and tell people what had happened or is happening on me. and now, I've got my mood to blogging sooooooo I will pour out all thoughts and experience I've got recently... perhaps during this month...

I started this April with 'sense' of Easter. well, I used to not feel anything when Easter comes. I don't know why, since I was in junior high school I had never thought Easter IS an amazing day. I knew it's a day when Christ rose up after three days in gravestone due to his being crossed. but yeaah, perhaps it's caused by my childhood easter memories, which was a moment full of eggs being hidden, then my friend and I went around to look for them, happy for collecting them all, and so on. and when I got older, I found my self unable to do those child-easter stuffs. I just cannot take it... and I cannot adapt with young-adult church service, most of them wearing black clothes in Friday, then having to sing (boring) songs, and other stuffs... I do not like them! and you know, I never felt the moment 'Jesus died but rose up for me'. it's just like an ordinary day, or Sunday... But here, this year, that is all so different. I came quite late to church with my best friend Yuli but I quite feel the sense of belonging of Jesus, I belong to Him... He died and rose up for me, for Yuli, for all people who are all-sinners. I cried while I was praying... how greatly kind MY JESUS WAS, IS, AND WILL BE! =)

then in the second week of April, I was quite busy with all committees' stuffs... for your info, I'm joining three committees : UI GUIDE 2010, DOCUMENTARY DAYS 2010, THE 10TH ICMSS. and I am being an associate marketing team leader in UI GUIDE, event team leader in DOCUMENTARY DAYS, and logistic team leader in ICMSS. well, I got what I dreamed of, hohoho. I was quite happy yet stressful. at first, I hesitated quite much about how I could handle three of them. in addition, I was scared being called 'mahasiswa gila kepanitiaan' by people around me. I discussed with some friends in the same committees with me also with some seniors who have ever been in my position. they gave positive view : as long as I can do that seriously, just go! do not care too much about people's thought. and here I am nowwww ready to lead and go! =)

oh well, I think I forget to tell y'all! Thanks God, I was successfully accepted as project staff in Badan Otonom Economica, one of students' organization that's active in journalism. I was happy yet sad, because I thought I couldn't match with people there... well, slowly I think I will change my opinion. hehe. oh ya, Docdays and UI GUIDE are BOE's event and product. hohoo. I am just a newbie there but I was directly
invited to join the committees. THANKS GOD!!! =)

in the third week, I went through my first bidding for UI GUIDE 2010. THANKS GOD, it's done, successfully and normally. =) well, I was and still am quite stressful with this due to my position and job description there : financing UI GUIDE's process of making by looking for sponsors who want to advertise there. ahhhhh, I forget for the second time to tell you! UI GUIDE is a BOE product formed in a magazine for new UI students. it is consist of useful information about UI and its surrounding. but my team leader and also Kak Tanti-my mentor and has ever involved in UI GUIDE 2009 marketing team- are optimistic and told me that marketing team can get the sponsors! yeaaah, that worked. and I am also sure God bless me and UI GUIDE team and He will not let us suffer. I really believe...
well, today, in the happy Sunday, I was told negative views by two my best friends about my decision to join three committees in FEUI. well, they didn't say directly but they told me that I should have left being staff in one of those events, and I happened to hear my friend's scare bout my study. well, at first, I was quite... angry... emotional, red-headed... moreover, I have ever considered about this before and I jumped to conclusion that there will be nothing disturbed. that's why I decided to go ahead. but ya, they worried about me. and their scarce also makes me scared... but I am just sure , no, really sure everything will be alright and in harmony, as long as God guides me.

I also learned from today and first week experience that being too stressful about people's opinion about you only wastes my (your) time. Just hold on God, be calm, and do it for the sake of God, not for the sake of human, money, or anything. Human will never feel enough but God takes you just the way you are. being ignorant to human sometimes works well to cool your head. heheheh. praying is the main key, anyway.

I am sure I can with the sake of Jesus. He is with me. =)

Happy Sunday.

notes : I'll come with a novel review. =)

sick.

2010-03-08T22:04:00.003+07:00

What do you feel when you find yourself in love to someone after long time you never let anyone in to your heart except one man?
What do you feel when you find someone you just loved has a crush on your friend?
What do you feel when your heart is broken twice before you could have a good love story?

What do you feel if you had found, you simply needed to let go as soon as possible before you got your heart deeply broken?

formspring.me

2010-02-21T21:03:00.001+07:00

do you love writing?

yes, I really do. :)

Ask me anything

I'm gonna miss them :' )

2010-02-19T08:28:00.003+07:00

FULL TEAM

Logistic team feat. Vice Project Leader

Joy, Kak Ata, Me, Kak Manda, Puti, Kak Olov (Vice Project Leader)

wish I could join the 10th. I find new family and friendship here. I learn to be professional and elegant here in ICMSS. :)
JEMPOLAN!

indescribable feeling. hahahuhu.

2010-02-16T22:02:00.005+07:00

I've got so maaaaaaaaaaaaaaanny things to tell. I don't think this entry can make them all. hahahhahaa. I've got mixed feelings, and I absolutely know why. That is caused by something big happen today, something that had given me so many many... new friends, new experience, new thought(s), arrrrrkh! etc!
The 9th ICMSS really took my heart. ICMSS is a capital seminar held by MSS. I am (or was?) one of staffs there. at first, I was not too excited, but when I got jobs, so many things to do, to call, time by time I became very spiritful!!!! especially when I finally got sponsorship from one of well-known yoghurt in Indonesia (I really can't tell you its name!) I feel I really contribute, at least a little. hahahhahaha.

arrrrrkhhh so many things I got! so many people I befriend! Thanks God.

Well, I am very happy because the day(s) of seminar is over, which means that I don't need to wake up very early to help preparing the seminar. that was so tiring. But I am also sad, because it means I have to separate from them, especially Puti, Nana, Gina, Kak Ata, Marsha huhuhu. I spent most of time with them there, before and at the day. now, we will rarely meet. I may still be able to meet GIna because we have one same class, COOPERATIVE. but the others will be very hard to meet. huhuhu. I am getting sad. waaaaaa

I really hope I can contribute in the 10th ICMSS. I really found my friends and togetherness there.

above and for ALL, I thank GOD. Really. He has made a very beautiful path for me here. He made me to become one of the 9th ICMSS family. I happened to be in demotivation, but He carried me again and again until I became really spiritfull! arrrrkhhhh. YOU ARE GREAT.

this mixed-feeling is so confusing as well as VERY BEAUTIFUL. :)

I'll be missing you. :)

getting better after for some times being unstable

2010-02-11T22:20:00.003+07:00

Something special today. My Mom called me. I was so missing her, very happy as well as sad hearing her voice only from my cellphone. We talked for minutes. She asked me if I'd adapted with all stuffs here and I just answered yes. THAT'S ALL LIE!! But I don't want to make her worry about me. Who am I that I worry her? She has so many other important things to worry, my father, my brother and sister. She has given me to God fully to be taken care, so I cannot worry her. and Him.
Well, I cried while talking. But I was trying so hard not to make my mother hear the sobs. I also told her what I was and am still feeling about my unstable Dad, a fight we had before I left. She said she had already warned and scolded him. I just really wish my father called me. My mother and brother have, it's only my sister and my father haven't. I really wait.

and this day is better, I think. I don't know whether it's caused by my talking with my mother via phone in the morning after accounting class or not. I feel calm, happy. a little bit nervous perhaps, because of the plenary meeting I would had in the night, but it was over happily. LOL. Thanks God for making me feel better and more alive. and thank You for reminding me to prepare some quality time with you from my time, not leave some of my time to spend it with you. those two are different and I have realized it. thanks God. :)

I miss my family. But to be better, I need to be independent.
for my friends, sorry for my being unstable during some times. I can't promise you I change my 'moody me', but I promise I will not show you such a pity face. anymore!

well, I have a very beautiful picture of Mai Kuraki for the cover of her upcoming single on March 2010, entitled Drive me Crazy.
this is it

she really has left her teenage style. I think she now wants to become a singer as well as trend setter. I quite refuse it, actually, but physically, people surely change, included her. huhuhu. her upcoming single is quite unique and funny. wanna hear it? check it out in Mai Kuraki's site . :)

sleep tight, Sound Sleeper.
hahahahha.
bye on the next days~~~~

Hello, bad feeling! long time no see! I wish you went away! :(

2010-02-10T21:54:00.003+07:00

This day, I have unstable mood. I don't know why. I feel my friends cannot be like what I've expected. But I am a little bit glad because one of my friends, Lanni, shows her care to me. thank you LANNI :))))

I read some notes from facebook. many of them tells about love, love, love. They remind me about the existence of Valentine Days. heheh. this is my eighteenth year I've passed that day without special boyfriend. the saddest thing is I have to pass it without my family. one thing that doesn't change : Jesus watches over me. sounds so 'Kege-eran', hehhe. sorry, i know I don't deserve to say this.

Friends are God's apology for relations. ~Hugh Kingsmill
I found this quote when I'm looking for family quote. I really don't have any idea what it means. really. 'God's apology?' :(

I still miss my family till now. haha. it's just like an unstoppable habit now, especially when I am alone. everytime I face something hard, I always call my mother in my heart. I know I am wrong, my mother has asked me to only pray and rely on God. but this is unstoppable. again and again, tears drop without getting bored.

Life is tough, world is heartless. I realize it now. My family has been my shelter since I was kid, and now I should put them away because I can not depend only on them. I should hang on Him. This is hard. really hard. I should fight again with this burden. I should try to lift it. :(((((

the family is a heaven in a heartless world. ~Attributed to Christopher Lasch

It's too late to realize it now.

formspring.me

2010-02-07T20:17:00.001+07:00

Feel free to ask http://formspring.me/MoodyMe

Almost No Rain on Sunday :)

2010-02-07T11:10:00.012+07:00

What a happy Sunday!

I slept very late last night but thanks God for He woke me up early in the morning, about almost six a.m. I had time then to do quiet time, to take a bath then to go to church on time. Unfortunately, I couldn't have rice and chicken as my breakfast because they needed few times to finish while I had to come on time to church. That was 7.36 a.m when I got to the canteen, church will be at 8.00 a.m and I didn't think I'd make it on time if I had them as my breakfast. that's why I only ordered three doughnuts to fill my stomach until I went back from church and had enough time to eat breakfast and at the same time, had lunch.

I had some problems actually before coming to church. My struggle, my bad thoughts, even my friend made me hard to focus. Even when I was crossing the road, the message my friend sent me keep coming to my mind. I didn't know what to reply that's why I didn't reply. Not replying it was and is the best way, I think. But slowly the situation of my mind changed when I arrived at the church, hearing song that I didn't know the title. That song had fast beat, made me clap my hands. Well, my mind didn't fully focus still, but that was just better than not focusing.

Then the preaching time came and the Preacher was the man I love to hear his, Pdt. M. Hutagalung. The passage was from Genesis 50 : 15-21, about Joseph who comforted his worried brothers after the death of their father, Jacob. Pdt. Hutagalung told us about how Joseph could forget what his brothers did to him before. He said Joseph was one of men whom God blessed and who always walked in the path God pointed. Inside himself, there are criteria for the winner. Now I wanna tell you the winner criteria Joseph has :

1. He forgot bad things happened in the past.
He didn't live remembering what his brothers had done to him, what his master, Potifar and wife did. He just went forward toward God's plan, leaving the bad marks behind without looking back. Well, we, errhm, I can't. I hardly forget bad things happened to me. And it happened because Satan always reminded me and taraaaaa, we easily fell into those memories then we became sad because of it. Winners had to win over their bad memories!! Fight!

2. He didn't have any revenge to anybody who hurt him and just forgave.
Joseph's life wasn't easy at the beginning. He's deeply loved by his father and it made his other brothers jealous to him, even angry when Joseph said they would bend their knees in front of him someday according to his dream. His brothers threw him into the wells, sold him that made him live in Egypt. He then worked for Potifar,became his confidant but because Potifar's wife lie, Joseph had to be prisoned. There, he didn't cry or remember all faults they've made to him. Even, in the Genesis 50: 19 he said : But Joseph said to them, “Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God?" when his brothers begged him sorry and bent their knees in front of him.
How hard those things to be done. I myself even admit that I still have revenge to those who are at fault at me. Never pass in my mind before that forgiving and forgetting may be two of a winner's criteria. Well, that opens my mind, makes me learn to just forgive and forget.

3. He wasn't proud or arrogant with what he's given and got.
Blessed by God in every time, every situation, every where and loved and trusted by Firaun didn't make Joseph proud. He did like common people did. When her brothers came, he didn't show them proudly what he had. He was willing to share with them. He even rarely asked, God gave him. He knew everything he got came from God.
As human who lives now, I admit I often brag about what I have to people. perhaps, they don't realize because I try to talk without an arrogant tone. Sometimes, I don't realize everything I have is from God. I stupidly boast what I've got to my friends, to my enemies to make them jealous. Like I don't know all I have is because of God's will.

4. He only stayed and lived according to God's plan.
Joseph was ever attempted by Potifar's wife to have an affair with her. He was asked twice, but he never accepted. Imagine how his life could be if he followed Potifar's wife saying? His life might not be as blessed as he ever had. Like Saul, who left God and so did Simpson, they firstly lived a life according to God's will but finally they got out of God's plan who led them to tragic life. Joseph was different, with all temptation and suffering he lived, he was still loyal and followed God's plan. That's why He won many things!
this is the most important part for me. recently, I happen to think that I am not able to follow God's will. I always felt something wrong, I thought I should be against Him because the path He chose for me wasn't proper. Hearing this preach makes me realize
what I was going to do is wrong. He chooses me to be like this, here in this place, then it just should happen. I will forget all my sadness and lonesome because of my stupid want to fight Him because I'll never win. But when I stay and live according to His plan, I'll surely win.

last but not least
5. He was never afraid.
He was thrown into the wells. As we all know, wells is very dark inside. Joseph was young at that time but he was never scared. He didn't even cry (Joseph only cried three times : when he met his brothers after long time he didn't, when his father died, and when he saw his brothers begged sorry from him). when he was prisoned, he was also not scared. He kept believing in God, had faith on Him. That's the his key for being brave.
I really want to laugh at myself. I often feel scared whenever problems come, whether it's just small or big. I also can say that I firstly cry over the problems then look for the solution. Being afraid and crying won't solve any problem actually, and now I promise I will learn to ALWAYS try solving problem rather than crying over it. I want to be a winner in His eyes, then I shouldn't be an afraidoooo.

That preaching has opened my mind as well as brightened my firstly blue Sunday. I promise myself after going out of the church, I will leave all bad memories I still think, forgive him or her who hurt me, feel I have nothing to be proud of because these things I have is from God, only stay and live according to God's plan, and never be afraid. and now, I'm not burdened anymore. I can smile to everyone, included my friend whom I have a little problem with. heheheh.I want to be like Joseph who win over struggle, thoughts, temptation, even himself. How about you? Do you? I gladly wish so. ^^

Ohhhh, what a happy day this Sunday is. ;)

picture from graphicshunt.com

Ocean of Lonesome and Sadness

2010-02-06T18:01:00.001+07:00

God, I know I should thank You for a month you gave me to gather with my family.
We didn't go to many places. We just went to common places, bought ordinary things like clothes, bags, so on. But I don't think that's enough. Seeing my mom's messages on facebook only makes me feel like going back home. I sometimes feel I have made wrong decision to school here. It's been my second semester to be university student here in this city. but I still cannot eliminate this lonely feeling. My friends surround me, fill my time but that cannot make this lonesome away. I even have ignored them for some time because I was too much into that darn feeling. I feel disgusted of myself, for being a person who can't be grateful to God for what He has given. I always ask more, more while God has declared that's enough. God is never wrong and I'm sure of it, but why do I always feel something's wrong? I can't think rationally now. Tears have been my close friend since I arrived here in Depok. I really don't like crying, I try my best avoiding it. but that's what it's called 'nature', 'naturally'. I can't avoid something naturally happens.
My mother asks me to pray when that lonesome and sadness come. But I am still weak, I can't fight them. I get better after praying, but when I do my activities, suddenly those things come to my mind and stay there. they don't want to go though I've ordered them. I'm so bashful whenever I see my friends smile like they don't drown in the ocean of lonesome and sadness. They are like me, people who come from other city here only for school but they successfully avoid those feelings.\

Actually, this can't end without me being strong. I know counting on God is key of being strong. but I don't know... some parts of myself disagree with His choice.
God, You never comes late helping me. I beg You... Help me to put away my lonely and sad feeling, help me to fully agree with Your will, help me through this difficult time... I'm drowning in this ocean and it's You who can help me. I know I ask too much. I am sorry for being sinful who ask more than I should ask...

but I know, You will.

2009-11-30T23:01:00.000+07:00

hello! how are you today??
hmmm, I miss reviewing... I really like losing a part of this blog when I don't write any review... but you know, I don't hear Mai's new song from her best album. huhuhu. I really want to... but no time for downloading and no enough connection is also the reason I can't download it. fiuh...

hey you know? beside my sadness and loss feeling, I'm still feeling great now! Thanks God I could fulfill my job, I could do it well. and I also thank God because He gave me time to go practicing Christmas Carol... how I long Christmas... huhu...
and, through my sister, I know a fun site ... it is like twitter, anyone should follow each other... but that's not the point. the point is...
WE CAN DESIGN CLOTHES FOR THE MODEL IN THE SITE...
hoho... that's really fun! I love designing and mix-matching clothing. but yeah, I'm still not good at that. it is proved from my not-too-good style. heheheh
but I'm still pleasant. because I do lotta fun there, at that site by designing. hohoh.
wanna see my designs? hmmm, I'm not gonna let you answer. let me give you freely. hohoh. here they are!

dropping here again after some times!

2009-11-27T11:29:00.000+07:00

so long long time I don't write anything in this blog...
I really miss blogging but I have no time to do that. so many college stuffs I'd do and I'm almost mad because of them! Thanks to Him for He gives me power, I can handle all those things and I'm not mad anymore. and also, Finally I get free time to write here again in my blog! hohoho.

I really thank God for what He has given me. He places me in this university. People here are so heterogeneous and I learn so much from them. I now has been able to communicate freely with different-religion-people whom I used to avoid to meet. I also learn to work hard and not to be lazy for this place is full of intelligent and hardworking people. and If you want to go much more forward than them, you should be able to do as much as they do, or even much more than they do.
and in this university, I also learn how to love God humbly...
Thanks God I'm now in a faculty which is very welcoming with differences (there are some faculties here in my university of which one religion is more dominant). every Friday, there is a worshiping and I always follow it( Thanks God for giving me time to follow that!). I like the nuances of it, I love the speaker who always emphasizes to show how much I love Jesus by spreading the good news of His coming...
I also learn to control my mouth for there's a very dangerous tongue inside...
and from the worshiping also, I learn not to judge person for judging means seeing making a person bad for own view and that's wrong...
I also learn to accept the differences, whether it's in the race, religion, and so on...
I also learn to avoid a big trouble , keep so much distant from it...
I also learn to accept what I used to think 'an ugly truth' that I should be 'trapped' in this faculty, in this major actually...
and the most important thing, learn to live without my family beside me and just hang on, depend on Him...
and He successfully makes me change... I feel like being more independent now...
and if I went home to Medan, I wouldn't just hang on my father or my mother...
He is the one I should depend on...

"Be what You want, God, for that's the best I can taste... Amien"

that statement also always reminds me, if I force my will too much to happen...

Huaaaaa, I learn a lot about Jesus since I'm here....
I won't feel regret anymore! this is the true JOY I can taste for my thirst...
fiuuuuhhh...
love God... let Him be the center of your life...
hehehehhe...
Amien

Days as University Student (MAHASISWA!!!)

2009-09-08T21:55:00.000+07:00

huaaaa, fellas! it's been a long time, a long long month since my last post about Mai's single. that was when I was still confused about whether I could continue my study to university or not. and now, I'm back!!!! as a very happy university student of faculty of economics in University of Indonesia, one of the best universities in Indonesia and also world!! haha. I'm really proud. I really thanked God when I knew I finally could be a university student though I can't be a doctor or technician like I used to dream. but being a manager isn't bad at all, right? I'll gain more profit, money, hahahahha...
well, I've been very busy recently with some orientation duties. they suck, really!especially the commitee of discipline. they are very cruel. we also forcefully wear a big name tag and yellow jacket (our university pride!!!). we are burdened with so many duties, but I still enjoy them. hahahahha.
it's been 2 weeks since I studied. and I found myself interesting in mathematical economics and bussiness class. ohhhhhhh
well, I want to review a song from Utada Hikaru, namely Come Back To me, her international single. I know it's really late. but yeah, just to fill my review field. ahahahha

I really love this song. from the beginning till the end. I love the sound of piano that makes the song seems orchestral in the beginning. I also love the backing vocal when continuing Utada sing the chorus. this is one of her recent good songs, I think. I don't really like her recent songs. but this is an exception, as well as the flavor of life! hahahah. Utada is cool singing this song...

Well, Mai Kuraki will be on the next review with her compilation album, ALL MY BEST. she looks beautiful in the cover! :)
[IMG]http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n56/Mizuiro-kun/LJ/2009/08-01/02.jpg[/IMG]

Fully Annoyed!!^Mai Kuraki's new single!

2009-06-11T22:51:00.000+07:00

I bought a DVD two days ago, namely Boys Before Flowers (the Korean version of Hana Yori Dango or Meteor Garden). Well, the drama really hits me and causes me fall into high curiosity. I have happily finished watching the 1st disc and when it came to the 2nd disc, it really drove me mad!! At first it ran normally and in the middle, there's a problem that the disc ran abnormally (don't know how to explain!). For your information, one disc contains five episodes. And when I tried to open the episodes 7 in the 2nd disc,skipping the episode 6 which was unable to run normally, it wouldn't be opened. Neither would the 8, 9, and 10. ARKKKHHH! Don't say that I have to wait that episode aired on TV! Hmmm, I think I should try to go back to the store where I bought it and asked if I could replace it with another one.

FINALLY!! The new single from Mai Kuraki has been released since June 10th, 2009. The single is Beautiful, which consists of some songs like Beautiful, Wana, and Beautiful instrumental. I think 'Beautiful' is good and really different from Mai's before single. And her voice sounds smooth and makes the song really 'sexy' to hear. But I prefer Wana, because it reminds me of her songs in the beginning of her career, fully R&B. I also love the backing vocals that yells 'hey'. Try it!
I also recommend you to see the MV of Beautiful. It uses blue sea with a very blue sky as the settings. They are very beautiful!! I just hope it isn't an editing. haha.
And the CD cover is also full of blue!!
For information, Beautiful is used as the Cosmeport Style Salon CM song.
^^
the regular edition cover

the limited edition cover

Do Best, and God will do the rest

2009-06-08T17:09:00.000+07:00

Waaaaaa...
I can't believe that the days have passed! The days which I had to face with all my strength have gone. Thanks God!
I've already done the university entrance test. I'm not sure about the result since the questions were really hard to do, to solve!! haaaaah. But I have done my best and even if I failed, I wouldn't cry. That won't be my first time to feel lost and moreover, I'd feel 'kalah dengan terhormat' because I've done it with my own capability. But I believe in miracle and the power of prayer. So I'm optimistic. I will be a pupil of faculty of medicine. YEAHHH! (God bless me.)
And now, it's time for me to play. I think for some days ahead I will make more time to play though I still have to study for the next test. and... in this Saturday, there will be an announcement from my school whether I pass the national examination or not. Oh...! I hope I will!! God, please bless me... I need to pass this so I can continue studying in university and make my family happy and proud... wish me luck, fellas...!

hmm, I ever promised to make an entry about some artists. I think I can't do that for this time. sorry. But I really promise I will make that entry though I'm not sure about the exact time. okay?
so...
Byee

Idol Versus!-Run for it!

2009-05-25T21:00:00.000+07:00

Now I wanna tell you about my day, what I was through this morning to this evening while I was outside. Hmm, I was taking an intensive course as information. To get a SEAT for me to sit in the university. LOL
I'll start with this :
I am actually a science class student at my school. For your information, I'm no longer a senior high school but I also haven't been a university student. I have taken my National Examination but I should still wait till June 13th 2009 to know whether I pass or not. (God, please, let me pass this exam...). But I still study since I want to be a university student. And to get one seat there, I really have to work hard because I want to take a very favorite faculty of most science students in my country, namely faculty of medicine. GRAOOOOOO. I should face the reality that almost 70% of students in my city (city, not country) want to get a seat there. Actually, being a doctor is not my dream. I really dream to be a fiction author or a scientist because it's so challenging though I can't hope to have much money if I work as what I dream to be. But my parents, especially my mother, really wants to be a doctor. My mother even shows her big hope on me in every conversation we have about that. At first, I fought them and told my mom that I would be what I want. But yeah, at last , especially when my mom suffered psychosomatic or whatever it is, I want to be what they like as long as they're happy. moreover, I can still be an author while I'm a doctor. :)
Well now I'm on the way for that. Could I wish you all prayed for me? please... :)

hnnn, I have a very unique idea that I never think before. It's inspired from a site that makes an article about who the queen of japanese music is. But mine is different. I want to discuss bout some of famous japanese singers. here they are :

mai kuraki,

namie amuro,

ayumi hamasaki,

utada hikaru,

koda kumi

I choose them because of some reasons.
I choose Mai Kuraki and Namie Amuro because they are my favorite japanese female singers (Mai is the most of course!!). They both are also famous and have their own markets and huge fan base. They usually hit big ten in oricon chart. Some of their songs and albums also often hit big 5 and big3 oricon chart.
I choose Ayumi, Utada and Koda because they are also famous and have a huge fan base. they also hit big 10 in oricon chart, especially Ayumi and Utada who often hit #1.
I will explain about them objectively, I hope. hehee. And also I will make some voting which one is your favorite, or anything it is. but next time!
Because I think I can't do it now on because I have a limited time to be online. so it will be continued next, may be next day, next week or even next month after I finish my test to get a seat in university. hahah. take care everybody...

Wishing on The Same Star-Namie Amuro

2009-05-23T23:08:00.000+07:00

This is Amuro's 21st single. This is a slow pop song, a little bit ball. But this song is really great for your ear and really touchy. And it becomes more more touching my heart when I know the lyrics and also the translation. Here is the lyrics and the translation.
Romaji

Kokoro kara anata wo omou
Michibikareru mama ayunde kita michi
Kanashimi ni makenai you ni
Wasurenai yo donna toki mo
We'll never really be apart

We'll be wishing on the same star
Looking at the same moon
Sora e to sashidashita
Kono yubi no mukou
Hitotsu ni musubaretai
Futari ga iru
Wishing on the same star
Looking at the same moon

Doko mademo hateshinai kara
Yume no tsuzuki e to futari de modorou
Uchitsukeru hageshii ame ga
Agaru you ni inorimashou
We wait for lovely clear sky

We'll be wishing on the same star
Looking at the same moon
Sora e to sashidashita
Kono yubi no mukou
Hitotsu ni musubaretai
Futari ga iru
Wishing on the same star
Looking at the same moon

Kokoro wa kokoro wo motome au nukumori wo
Te wo tsunagi aruite yuku

Wishing on the same star

We'll be wishing on the same star
Looking at the same moon
Sora e to sashidashita
Kono yubi no mukou
Hitotsu wo motome aeru
Futari ga ii
Sitting on the same star
Talking 'bout the same dream

We'll be wishing on the same star
Looking at the same moon
Sora wo miagete
Yasashii kimochi omoidasu kara
Hitotsu ni musubarenai
Sonna toki mo
Wishing on the same star
Looking at the same moon

English

I love you from my heart
I'll never forget
The road we followed
So the sorrow doesn't get to me
We'll never really be apart

We'll be wishing on the same star
Looking at the same moon
On the other side of this finger
Pointed at the sky
Are the two of us
Wishing to become one
Wishing on the same star
Looking at the same moon

Let's go back to the continuation
Of our endless dream
And pray that the hard rain that keeps falling
Will soon let up
We wait for lovely clear sky

We'll be wishing on the same star
Looking at the same moon
On the other side of this finger
Pointed at the sky
Are the two of us
Wishing to become one
Wishing on the same star
Looking at the same moon

Heart longs for heart, for warmth
We walk together holding hands

Wishing on the same star

We'll be wishing on the same star
Looking at the same moon
On the other side of this finger
Pointed at the sky
Are the two of us
Longing to be one; I like us that way
Sitting on the same star
Talking 'bout the same dream

We'll be wishing on the same star
Looking at the same moon
When I look up at the sky
I remember that tender feeling
Even at times
When we can't be one
Wishing on the same star
Looking at the same moon

hhh, don't you think the same with me? the lyrics is very touching, and I really want to look at a star and then wish on it with someone... speciaalll... :)
and if you want the download link, don't hesitate to ask me the download link.

DAMNNNNN!!!!!

2009-05-20T15:02:00.000+07:00

I really HATE posting in WARNETTTT! I wanna go online at home but I can'tttt!!!

Prom Night news

2009-05-18T21:14:00.000+07:00

Hmmm, don't know how to start. Well, perhaps I start with this picture...

Well, I stood in the very right side in that picture.
if you still can't get clear of which one I am, I will give you my own picture. only myself in that picture. here it is...

this picture was taken when I was still at home, while the other picture above this one was taken in school.
I wore a gown at that time.

I didn't follow the whole programs of the prom, because my parents didn't allow me to go home after midnight. So I went home at about 11.00 pm. I really wanted to join with my friends, having more fun since after midnight the teachers have gone home and we'd be more free to dance or do anything we want as long as we still obey the norm. At first, I regretted going home soon.
But after I heard some news from my friend, well, I think what I had done is right. At about 00.00 they started the whole night crazy dance (I mean 'ajeb-ajeb')with DJ playing the music disc. They really enjoyed the music, danced as they like. They thought all teachers had gone home that some of the boys smoked (this is what I heard). They didn't know that there was still one teacher left in school watching over them. It is Sir Silalahi. hmmm. Seeing what was happening at that time, he asked the DJ to stop the music and then asked all students to go home right away. But they still stayed cool and didn't want to notice him. And suddenly, he rang our bell school, and made them go home. Really annoying I think.
Well, for me, a half parts of the prom are somewhat boring. The programs just made for the bands, but there were also a choir and a drama group show. People and I also had fun with our own group that we didn't pay attention to the MC. Poor them.
Well, that's all I can tell about my prom. Later I will come up with a new review.
:)

Layered-Hair-Cut for Prom

2009-05-15T10:44:00.000+07:00

Tomorrow, I will attend my school prom night, held in school. I've got my own dress, but I still get confused of the make-up, hair-do, and so on. As information, I've never attended any kind of party like this, which has a specific theme and make the attendance girl wear a gown or any kind. When I go browsing, searching for what hair model I should use, I got some interesting ones that I think, will suit me. Here they are..

and then...

I think they will be proper to me since I have the same hair-cut with them. Yeah! I will make my hair like those tomorrow!
But how about my shoes? arkkkh, I'm gonna search for it today! Wish me luck! I hope I will get a beautiful one...

DOWNLOAD LINK

2009-05-15T09:54:00.000+07:00

FOR PEOPLE WHO WANT A DOWNLOAD LINK FOR JAPANESE SINGLE I HAVE REVIEWED, CONTACT ME VIA COMMENTS IN THIS BLOG OR CBOX. IT IS FREE. THANKS

Bleach Movie 3 --Fade To Black, I call your name

2009-05-13T19:25:00.000+07:00

Here is information about the newest Bleach Movie , Bleach:Fade to Black, I call your name (Burichi : Fade to Black, Kimi no Na o Yobu). It has been released on December 2008. The ending theme is performed by Porno Graffiti, titled Koyoi Tsuki ga Miezutomo. The story is about the sudden amnesia suffered by all soul society people about Ichigo and Rukia. Wanna know the complete story? Just watch the movie! Cause I also haven't watched it. Hahhaha. But I can show you the trailer so that you won't feel so curious that you even bring your thought to your dream.

For you guys who feel curious about the soundtrack and want to have it, you can ask me the download link! :)

MV -various artists

2009-05-13T19:07:00.000+07:00

I want to share you some of my favorite video of my favorite singers.
This is MV of Yumi Shizukusa-Go Your Own Way...

This is not the full duration of her song. S0rry about this. I will try to look for the full one other time and then make it here, to my page. I promise. Well, although I only watch 45 second video version, but I can say that this video really describe the lyrics of this song. Despite the ordinary story line...

and here is from Mai Kuraki--Simply Wonderful

hoho.

And at last, this is from Aqua Timez--Sen No Yoru Wo Koete

:)

Yumi Shizukusa -Go Your Own Way

2009-05-13T18:44:00.001+07:00

Well, this is my second post this day. My sister tells me that I'm crazy because I like to post more than one things in one day.But I don't agree much. We just don't know other people who do the same thing as I do, right?

Okay, now I'll be getting serious.
I accidentally find a song from Original Soundtrack of Detective Conan, sung by Yumi Shizukusa. If you hear the beginning of this song, you won't think that this is a Japanese song. Because it's more like Barbie ost or girl-cartoons song. This is quite R&B-ish but more like ordinary pop, I think. But one thing that makes this song be really interesting for me is the vocal of Yumi herself. She has a very unique voice, and I think her vocal is quite similar with Mandy Moore, especially when she does some 'oooo' or whatever. The melancholic voice seems suitable with the beat of this song. I love the chorus, when she sings 'Dakishime...' and a part when only music appears and her voice comes out slowly. ouuu, this song really drives me to the imaginary world through the sad atmosphere of this song.
Since then, I decide to put Yumi as one of my favorite Japanese female singer in the second position after Mai Kuraki. For your information, Yumi also stands in the same flag of management and major label as Mai Kuraki, Being Giza management and Northern music. :)

Utada Hikaru -- Heart Station (only!!)

2009-05-13T18:21:00.000+07:00

This is Utada 's 20th Japanese single and reached the #2 in the Oricon chart monthly single, being sold 76,762.
Emmm, I'm quite confused how to start writing my opinion about this. All I can say is I love The Flavor of Life more than this one. This song is flat and monotone, I think. And unlike her other songs, she doesn't do improvisation or whatever it is called. I'm disappointed actually. Really.
But because I'm not her big fan, I don't care about it too much...

For you guys who feel curious to this song, feel free to ask me the download link. it's free! really free :)

Detective Conan Opening Theme 25

2009-05-08T11:33:00.000+07:00

MV-Puzzle

2009-05-08T11:27:00.001+07:00

I would like to share you this :

and also this :

enjoy! :)

Aya Kamiki - Pierrot

2009-05-08T10:28:00.000+07:00

this is a single from Aya Kamiki, Pierrot. Beside Pierrot, there is also another song like Sakura E and also the instrumental version of Pierrot.
For your information, this single is a rearrangement from Pierrot by B'z.
I 'm not a big fan of Aya Kamiki but I can say that I like the way she sings. so energetic! and so is in Pierrot.
Pierrot is started with Kamiki 's voice saying 'Pierrot'. then it continues with the sound of electric guitar and Kamiki 's shouting 'yeahhh' so spiritfully. I also like the part when she sings 'Get Away' along with the backing vocals. and in the bridge, she shouts 'yeaaah' and then does some improvisation that makes this single seem more energetic. also, this songs ends with a very unique way with a sound 'booom'. WOW! And she really can 'eliminate' the B'z style and replace it with hers, I think.
then we go to Sakura e. this song is a slow and seems mellow in my ear. but it still shows Kamiki 's mark with the sound of electric guitar in the chorus. She also sings in an energetic way but more slowly.
after all, I strongly recommend you hear this single. It really rocks! and you won't feel regret after hearing it. :)

Revive - Mai Kuraki

2009-04-26T18:25:00.000+07:00

this single is included in Puzzle/Revive single.
just like puzzle, at firs I feel like disliking this song because of no Michael 's voice. but when I know that this song is used as the opening theme of Detective Conan, I'll try to listen to it more often and... yeah... Finally, I find something great in it! well, I love Latin rhythm of this song. I really want to dance SALSA while I 'm listening to this. I also love the Latin man 's voice part... though they don't sound as good as Michael 's..
well, I really miss him with Mai...
kyaaaa

well, I think the more I write, the less objective this review is...
so I only can say...
SEE YOU!

Puzzle - Mai Kuraki

2009-04-26T17:54:00.000+07:00

this is the 31st single of hers. This is also for celebrating her 10th anniversary in japan music. in addition, this single is used as the ending theme song for my biggest ANIME I really love, Detective Conan 13th movie : The Raven Chaser that has just been released this month.
at first I really hope this song will contain Michael Africk's vocal, just like what Mai 's song usually contains. but yeah, I heard a sound of man in this song but not Michael 's voice. At first I felt a little bit bothered because this man 's voice was so-not with Mai 's vocal. but when the song reached to the end and I heard the rapping of that man, well, my mind changed. this song was not bad. and the more I listen, the better I feel about this song.
I can say that this is the second song of hers that I love after Love-needing that contains no Michael 's vocal. I usually love her sing with Michael along in her song...
and I think she tries to 'let go' Michael 's vocal in her recent song...
NOOOO! big NOOOO!!! please, Mai, please... don't do that!
ok, I think I 'm starting to be crazy now...
well, after all, this song is really ear-catchy. and all of you must enjoy this. because my friend also loves this when I ask her to listen this...
he he he...
to let you know about this song, I will make it to my page as soon as possible.
just wait!
see you!

where?????

2009-04-11T23:51:00.000+07:00

I REALLY NEED THIS KIND OF CLOTHES FOR J-FEST IN MY CITY...
DO ANY OF YOU KNOW WHERE I CAN FIND THIS?

ukhhh... how cool it is! I really want to costume like that! goth loli... ouchhhh!!!

but I don't mind to become sweet like this...

well, if you found any dress like those, pls tell me through my fb (you can see the badget on the right) or just drop a comment to this blog...
thanks before!

Aqua Timez-Sen No Yoru Wo Koete

2009-04-11T22:34:00.000+07:00

wohoooo...
finally, eventually, I write a review about one of my lovey-dovey band, namely Aqua Timez!!!
well, sorry if I don't make their own picture. because I can't get one which is considered suitable in my mind... LOLs. but it's still related to the song I review anyway
the single of them is sen no yoru wo koete. also the ost of the 1st movie of bleach : memories of nobody.
the song starts with the sound of piano or what kinda music instrument it is which is pressed (sorry, I can't explain in the musical way). and then it continues with the voice of futoshi which makes me feel... arghhh... I don't know!!! his voice is so gentle, calm, and he really sings it like he doesn't sing it... I mean, he just likes saying it. perhaps it is because he just interprets the lyrics much..
though the song seems monotone, but I love it very much. I usually don't like a monotone song. but this single is exception. :)
in addition, this was the first AT's single that I heard and I directly fell in love with it and them. thanks to bleach. if I was not the big fan of bleach, I would never want to hear AT's single which means that I will be the most stupid person in the world..
hahha
hmmm, it seems I 'm getting more stupid in every sentences I wrote.
well, that's it I can explain bout them now. later, I will give more reviews about them and my favorite other j-singers and j-bands. cheerio!

HELLO!!!

2009-04-11T20:02:00.000+07:00

waaaa...
it's been a long time since I wrote my last review...
hmmm, I wonder what I should review now... any ideas??
perhaps, no song or books or movie I can review now...
it's my life that I really want to review...
hohoo...
for I've been 17, I'm obliged to be mature not just in the way I look outside,
but also in the way I feel and think inside...
well, people don't think I've grown-up inside... my parents think that I'm still childish. my mother says that I haven't been able to decide my biggest goal in life because i 'm too fictitious. i don't agree much with them but i don't deny also.
i may not be mature in the way I think, but that's not because of my thoughts that seem unstoppable to dream anything unreal. but it may be caused of i never get used to be like that. i don't say it's all because of my parents, but i think they really have a great ROLE in making me such this childish.
if they had taught me to be what they wanted since I was a BABY, I wouldn't have been like this! I wouldn't be a people who is obsessed to reach my fictitious dream like they say!
in the first, I showed them my stubbornness. how I really wanted to be an author ... but now, I decide to follow what they say.
hmmm, I think I've grown-up because I let my self follow what they want...
but they don't think that's ENOUGH!!! they want more proofs to show my maturity. *sigh*
sorry for my useless story...
i promise i 'll be back with my next review

Well Well

2009-04-04T13:17:00.000+07:00

I didn't make it.
well on March 1st, 2009 I joined a test to get a seat in a very prestigious university in my country. I took faculty of medicine, faculty of communication, and faculty of law.
and today is the passing announcement .
and I didn't even get one of them.
first I felt so sad. I cried out and regretted. I also prayed to God, to take my life as soon as possible.
I felt so useless. though my parents said that there are other chances for me this year, but I couldn't feel calm. I felt I didn't deserve to be their daughter, because I never make them happy, and proud.
but after my mom and I prayed together, I slowly feel calm. and I believe that this is the best for me from God. God has another GREATER plan for me.
well, perhaps this is a way for me to gain success to be a science-fiction and love-story novelist! or to be a scientist!
hahahah!

Vampire - Janne Da Arc

2009-04-04T10:45:00.000+07:00

hello all!
I'm back with my new review!
now, I will explain about JDA single, titled VAMPIRE. this song is my most favorite of theirs!
the song begins with the sound of electric guitar with a very unique tone.
well, I feel this single is so different with another song by JDA, which is cooler! LOLs. I really love Yasu's crunchy vocal. this song successfully makes me crazy and never want to stop hearing!! arrkkhhh!!! thanks to YASU and the gank!! heheheh
but I hate the duration!! it's too shoooorrrtttt! arkkkh!! it will be better, greater if it takes longer!!!
but they end the song really well! the sound of the electric guitar comes back with the unique tone. hehe. I don't know how to explain in musical way.
over all, this song is catchy for all people who loves rock! this j-rock band is really worth being heard!!

In the afternon...(2)

2009-04-02T10:17:00.003+07:00

So many things I have posted. But I post no review. Sorry! ;) actually, I post through my cell-phone!
I would like to introduce one of my close friend, namely Stella. She's a lil' bit crazy. And when we blend, we can create disaster for people around us! Haha! I'll show u her face! She's pretty, cheerful and my soulmate for going to madness. I'll post her picture when I'm online with notebook!
;)

In the afternon...(1)

2009-04-02T10:17:00.001+07:00

Finally, there are some things marvelous happening to me! I had my friend, namely Pratiwi, to paint my homework. She did it very well! She's undoubtly talented in painting! Thanks to God for giving me her as a friend! ;)
And I study with my friend, discussing math problem. Quite confusing I want to study with friends. I usually prefer studying alone than together with friend. Not bad actually! ;)

My morning... (2)

2009-04-02T08:00:00.001+07:00

Failed to remake cause I ran out of ink. So I decided to leave it and cry! Lol! Fool me! But if you were me, you would do that, feeling pitful because you don't have talents in painting. Hhh. After that, I couldn't sleep so I took my math and did some of them. And slowly, I was getting tired and at last, falling asleep.
I woke up around 5.30 am. And it just goes like other morning in school now

My morning... (1)

2009-04-02T07:58:00.000+07:00

Good morning!
I'm at school now!
I don't feel like reviewing any songs or books now. But I will review about what I've been through from 12am.
I had stopped being online that time and thought to finish my homework, painting! Oh my! I really dont have any talents in that part! But I tried anyway. And... It SUCKED! The result of my painting really drove me mad! I tried to remake it. But failed!

sorry

2009-04-01T22:05:00.001+07:00

Oh MY GOD!!
why can't I change this blog looks?
how to change the template?
why it doesn't work???

Love, Day after Tomorrow

2009-04-01T21:30:00.000+07:00

FINALLY!! I can give you some explanations about this great song!
lol
well, this is Mai Kuraki 's second single since her previous work in Boston, but first single in Japan. it's released on December 1999. she was still 17 years old that time. her face shows. hho. and this was a single who drove her into success! for your information, this single was sold 1,358,190. (only single!!!)
well, all I can say about this single is MARVELOUS!! I love every parts of this song! it's memorable and I can't get it out of my mind every time I finished listening to it. hho. this song is somewhat R&B. also I love Michael Africk 's back vocal. I really love Mai Kuraki's songs that consist of Michael 's vocal there. included this one.
:)
I dont think this single has a minus. I really often to hear this song but I dont feel bored to hear it again and again.

well, in the next time I will review about other j-singers and j-bands. but Mai is still my main topic of course. so just wait and see. dont feel bored to come to my page. ok?

Simply WOnderful

2009-04-01T20:51:00.000+07:00

hmmm, actually this is not my most favorite single of her. but I think this is a great single of hers. this is her fourth or fifth single maybe (peace! dont mind to forget. :) ) and it was made in 2000. she was so beautiful in the clip (she IS beautiful!)
the music begins very impressive! just like it wants to ask us to dance. and I love the way the backing vocals say 'yei yei' or kinda. well, in this song, Mai Kuraki's vocal sounds heavier than her before single, like Love, day after tomorrow (i WILL tell you bout this ASAP!). She also sings powerfully and makes this song dynamic and energetic.
hhh, I dont know how to describe. but the chorus is really... memorable. and I love the way Mai says 'Babe, I wonder WHY'.
but I 'm kinda disappointed with the-about-to end part. I dont like the backing vocals in this part. so noisy, and no needed. i think this song will be greater if the - about - to - end part isn't filled with the backing vocals

after all, I think this is a great song for your year! one of my friend who doesn't enjoy j-music -- but she appreciates this song -- says so! ^^

Darkly Dexter

2009-03-28T13:27:00.000+07:00

cover of indonesia edition

well, this is a novel that i read on December.
what attracts me about the novel is that the hero is really "unique".
the main role in this novel is Dexter Morgan, who works in laboratory as forensic team.
he's known as a friendly, handsome, and warm guy. he's considered as a nice brother by his younger sister, Deborah Morgan. he also has a fiancee, namely Rita, a widow caused by divorcing with his cruel ex-husband who has two children.
well, actually he's not that nice. he may be really nice with his step sister because she's the one whom his father left to take care of.
but he only pretends to be nice with others, included Rita. he actually doesn't love her. he kinda uses her for something he deeply covers. there are some reasons why he decides to make Rita as his special one, but probably, the main reason is that he loves Rita's children. well actually, he hates everyone but Deborah and kids.

like I said, he covers up something. that 'something' is that he has an alter ego, called by dark passenger by him, who always 'drives' him to hunt a prey for him to kill.
this happens because of his past, when he was still 3 years old. and his dead step father, Harry Morgan, who found him in the past know about his past and the only one who knows about his abnormality when Dexter was 14 years old. he firstly killed his neighbor dog who barked all time and caused his mother bothered.
Harry felt he could do nothing to 'delete' Dexter's abnormality. but things he could do was just controlling him and teaching him to kill bad persons.
the way he kills his prey is mutilating them and preventing his prey to bleed.
in addition, he hates blood because of his past. it will be revealed after you read this novel. ^^

and in this novel, he finds someone who has a same way with him to kill his prey, but is considered more artistic and beautiful by Dexter because of its neatness.
but the difference is the preys are only women. specifically I explain, bitchy women.
it's revealed later that the serial killer is his brother. and he will be faced with two hard choices.
wanna know more?
read it completely!
come on! it's worth reading!

Song Recommendation

2009-03-28T11:29:00.000+07:00

well, I would like to recommend you my favorite japanesse song.
i think this song is good for you who haven't heard j-music before.
this is it :

this song is delicious way, performed by mai .k.
this is bout people should grow up and should be ready to face all problems as an adult.
this is an upbeat song, has a good beginning. and the chorus is really catchy. i also love the backing sound of the song by michael africk, in the beginning of the song, the chorus, and also the rap section. i think this is a good song for you as an introductory to j-music!!!

nb : the song can be played. click on the box in the right

For first

2009-03-28T10:46:00.000+07:00

Well, this is my first writing in this blog.
mmm, perhaps I had better introduce you my self.
I am chrystine, my buds usually call me citien, my family call me iin.
i love writing, reading fictional story and some features, and also listening to music, especially j-music performed by mai kuraki, aqua timez, b'z, janne - da- arc, and anime ost. also love backstreet boys, jesse mc cartney, jojo. aiiiihhh...

and in this blog I will mostly write a review about novel and manga i read, music i listen, also my story.
in addition, i have ever had a blog. it is in blogspot also.
if you want to check it out, this is the address :
quite similar with this uh?
there are three stories written there.
enjoy it!

at last, enjoy my blog!